6 Ways You Just Put Me in the “Not Interested” Category Before You Even Opened Your Mouth/ Confessions from POF Land.

If you know me personally then you know that I’m not huge on the whole dating game (you are shocked, yes I know). Not because I have stopped loving being carefree in the big city or have shelved my childhood dream of the white picket fence. On the contrary, I very much enjoy the idea of doing whatever I want, whenever I want (I think my Facebook party pics speak for themselves) and I still dream of the white picket fence. You know that one that is in the background while my spawn plays outside and I enjoy a glass of Chardonay in the brilliant sunshine and hubby is cooking steaks just the way I like them. I love the idea of all that however, I hate the idea of spending every Saturday night getting ready for a potentially meh person (I always remind myself that meh to me could be dreamboat for another and vice versa) and a potentially meh connection. I also hate the whole, "Why hasn’t he called he had a great time” that us girls tend to get. Dating overall just seems like one big ol’ headache (maybe other people are just one big ol' headache) and this city girl hates headaches.

I refuse to spend considerable time meeting folks who just don’t do it for me and would much rather do something (anything) with my time than that. That’s where Plenty of Fish comes in. Usually my profile is in the hidden section (deactivating, activating it months later seems silly) so keeping it hidden or dormant allows me to come and go as I please. Once in a blue moon though I’ll click, “Unhide Profile” and see what’s out there. I'll put on my most flattering one piece and go fishing, as the kids say. A sea of faces seemingly all eager to connect penetrate my screen and in the first 30 minutes I feel like the most attractive girl at the bar with a line-up of guys wanting to chat her up. Before I get too carried away though I always remind myself that I’m not at a bar, I’m at home in flannel pants, yesterday's shirt and have mom's famous sour cream face mask while talking to randoms that may not look like their pics and could very well be the exact opposite of who they are projecting online. It’s a discouraging thought to be spending your time with someone who may not be who they say they are but that’s small fries compared to all the things that people do that put them in the "Thank you but no thank you" category before they even open their mouths.

You Were Negative

I'm gonna start the first POF "Don't" with the most overused, cliche thing anyone can ever tell you. That being, be positive. It's a hard thing to do when the majority of us aren't feeling positive and hate everyday that doesn't start with the word Saturday and Sunday but let me ask you, would you go to a job interview expressing how much you hated your former job and how you wished they’d die for how horrible he or she (probably she, female bosses are the worse) treated you and the hours he or she made you work? Of course you wouldn’t because that kind of attitude makes you come across as bitter and a bit paranoid and nobody wants bitter (or paranoid). On that note, why do grown adults not see that such an attitude will also get them nowhere on an online dating profile? The truth is, we’ve all been hurt. Some of us to the point where tears can start streaming down our face when discussing a former relationship but it is important to remember that the person that hurt you, is not the same person behind the screen. Remember, that person that hurt you is not behind the screen and tell yourself that when you want to unload on someone you just met.  

That person you just said hi to could be the most honest person in the world so why bring that negativity into a fresh new room that you both just entered in? Because that’s what every new meeting with someone new is- a fresh new room with brand new curtains and a never sat on sofa. Don’t ruin it by bringing in that old smelly rug you secretly still hate but keep cause you can't let go.

You Leaned With Materialism and Didn't Show Me Who You Truly Are

If I’ve said once, I’ve said it a thousand times, quality women will never stay with you just because you are ballin’. The “basics”, sure they will (what else are you doing?) but show me a driven, attractive and assertive woman who is looking for the real thing and it’s gonna take a lot more for her to get off the market than a flashy car and a big house. Not to say that she will not appreciate and admire what you have achieved in your life but if your dating profile pics have you holding stacks of cash and a gallery of your cars (seen all that and more), most women who have it together will be turned off and might actually feel sad that you think were all the same. Nice things are great but at the end of the day, if there's no spark, there's nothing. Besides, do you really want a girl who is just down for the party?

I use the same principle regarding posting only good bikini pics. Personally I have a link to my blog on my POF profile because at the end of the day I wont always look like the picture he saw in 2016, my character and ability to write however will. Case in point, gentlemen, take down all your flashy car pics off your profile, like now. Who are you really?

You Weren't Creative About the First Contact or First Message You Sent

I know it may be annoying but when you message me via a dating profile with a mundane, "Hey" to me you are just some guy messaging me to say just that. I have no idea who you are and you get lumped into the dozens of others who just sent me a “Hey, hows it going?” message. I need a little more to be interested. I’m not saying start writing me poems from the get go but comment on something that makes me feel like you actually took the time to read my profile. As mentioned I have a link to my blog and somebody who takes the time to read just one (it just takes one) blog that I wrote, is somebody who I will never ignore.

You Weren't Patient

What has always fascinated me is how persistent strangers can be. I have experienced guys sending multiple messages within a day that made me want to message them and say, “Buddy, this is not how you do it!” Once I even did. I wasn’t trying to make him feel bad but rather wanted to instill some wisdom in the poor sap who thought sending me, “Hey, got my first message?” or “You there?” was a turn on. It’s not, like ever.

Remember that girl that texted you her 3^rd message of the day before you even replied to her first? You didn’t want her right? She turned you off because, well, who wants to be badgered over and over. Well, women are the same way. Whoever told you we like persistent men got it right but there’s a fine line between persistent and making me feel like you are all about me before even meeting me; before we even connect. This applies to guys and girls. Ladies and gentleman, patience is a virtue. If they liked what they saw on the screen they will get back to you. No convincing or reminders needed. Comprendi?

You Weren't the Kind of Guy You’d Want Your Sister to be Messaged By

There’s a great quote I heard a few weeks ago that made me think. It said, “Are you the kind of guy who would be happy your daughter was dating if you had one.” On that note, would you like it if some dude sent your sister a dick pic or an invitation to bump uglies from the get go? No of course you wouldn’t. Treat online women who you do not see in the flesh with the same respect you would if she was in front of you. Some of you are shocked when women are not as open as you would like them to be from the get-go. Sorry babe, too many invitations for weird shit that have us a little hesitant. Nothing you can’t change though by being a genuine and sweet guy.

You Don't Understand What Women Want

With so much knowledge at their disposal it astounds me how lost some men still are to women. Have-it-together, good looking guys who are the epitome of a proverbial "catch" are making every mistake in the book (many of the ones I mentioned above and more). So here goes, I’m going give you advice that most females wont divulge and that is, what do women truly want and how do some of us get off the market? Personally, I think I speak for the majority of women who will tell you that they want to feel desired. When we believe that you actually care about what comes out of our mouth (more than what you would like in it) it is then that you have us. Walk into every romantic setting (online and off) with this knowledge (that a woman must feel as if you truly desire and care for her) and every hot girl you see online can be yours.