How To Handle a Breakup With Grace

Breaking up is hard to do, we all know that. Whether you are the one breaking up or the one being broken up, it is one of the hardest things we deal with when it comes to dating and relationships. There are so many ways one can respond. We can turn into a crying mess and beg for reconsideration and pity on our poor, bleeding hearts. Some cut off that person cold turkey and never look back. Others start dating and filling that void with another person. As someone who has handled breakups in every way imaginable I think I can offer insight on how to make the best out of an unpleasant situation. I've done the research brah, trust me on this one.

Do Not talk Shit About the Other Person

Whether you are the one doing the leaving or the one being left, our first instinct is to talk about it with others. And though many times our friends and family (God bless them) mean well they can make you enter a slippery slope of verbal diarrhoea regarding your ex. It’s a tempting offer to go on a crusade letting people know to be aware of this masked heartbreaker but doing such will never work out for anybody. Firstly, your ex will probably hear about this and it will cause a fight. Secondly, if you ever get back together you will both look like idiots and lastly, no good can come from it. It will just put you in a tailspin of drama, gossip and pain. You’re better than that.

If Need Be Cut Them Off
When I was growing up I was a big advocate for being friends with an ex and though that is a great concept in theory I have yet seen it work out for anybody. Friends wish each other well and have fun together, how can you possibly do those things with someone who just told you they don’t want you. You can suppress the bitterness and act as your higher self but being friends with an ex usually leads to jealousy, insecurity and further prolonging of the “getting over it" period. Or if you are the one doing the leaving, 3 am texts of proclamations of love will only confuse and may make you go back. You left them for a reason, never forget that. And if you stay awake at night worrying that maybe they need you for something or maybe they got into an accident and you are their emergency contact, don’t worry, they are a big boy/ girl, they can handle their own life.

Do Not Get in a Relationship With Someone Right Away

Remember that part that I said that I have dealt with breakups in every imaginable way possible? Well, many times I have ended one relationship and quickly got into a new one. I’ve always seen it as, “It’s not my fault there’s a lineup of possible suitors so why should I be alone?” And as cocky as that is, that is a fair point but  I don’t think anything real can happen when you jump from one bed to the next. Sure, you can meet somebody and have something real fairly quickly but make sure its not 2 weeks apart. Also, we sometimes misunderstand loneliness for feelings. Do you really want this person or do you just need to be wanted by anybody.

Understand That If Somebody Doesn’t Want to Be With You or You With Them, There Is a Reason

I’ve mentioned earlier how I have dealt with breakups every way imaginable. When I was in my late teens and through most of my 20s I handled breakups like a drug addict deals with going clean. I cried, I was in denial and I suffered physically and emotionally due to this heartache. To me being broken up with as the worst thing to have happened. I have called exs crying, begging them to take me back and even once showed up to one guy's house, convinced that if they saw the state I was in he would want me again (how can anyone deny a crying puppy eyed girl). Let's just say I was asked to politely leave and with tears in my eyes, I did. None of that ever worked for me and all it did was make the ex take a further step back from me and understandingly so. Nobody wants a crying mess begging for their love. And when I have been on the receiving end of tears I too thought, "Yikes!" It is only in the last few years that I realize that breakups are a God sent in a way. Gifts from the universe. Whispers from a higher being that says, “You deserve better.” I can honestly sit here and tell you that every breakup I ever had, no matter how heartbreaking, no matter how surprising and no matter how much I may miss them till this day, every single one was for the best. Every man who has ever left me did me a service. Every man I ever left with hindsight I am so glad I did because there and better and richer love was waiting for me on the other side. If only I knew that then.

Lastly, nobody is guaranteed as a life partner for the simple fact that you cant control anybody's life or destiny except your own. Some people leave those they love because they have different lifestyles and refuse to be in conflict for the majority of their lives. Other's leave those that they would spend the rest of their lives regretting they ever did. And some pass away and we must learn how to go on without them. In summary, life is meant to be enjoyed and if you find someone to enjoy it with then that is a beautiful thing but it can also be enjoyed solo- while dealing with a breakup or on the other side of the healing scope. However you go about your broken heart, do it with dignity and grace.