1. You were weak.
Not to get too graphic but if you look at some of the ways
that certain people have bowed out, the last thing you can call them is weak.
To make a decision and to go full force with it is not
weak by my standards. If anything, that is one determined S.O.B. However, if we are going to be assigning characteristics then the
common two among those prone to suicide are hypersensitivity and people
pleasing.
I’ve always said, if you are someone with an above average sensitivity
level, you are both cursed and blessed. Blessed in that you love harder than most,
laugh louder than the average and feel happiness on a level others very seldom can
comprehend. The cursed part is that you also feel pain on a level others cannot
comprehend and will spend energy, tears and time on situations that most
wouldn’t give a second thought to.
And there lies the second characteristic of those who are
suicide prone; most are people-pleasers. If you are somebody who always puts themselves first then things such as guilt, regret and empathy are not always emotions one feels easily because to
you, it's all about you. People who are suicide prone are many times thinking
about somebody else’s needs, someone else’s request, what another asked
them to do (heaven forbid they say no to someone) and most times it gets to the
point where they will neglect their own feelings and needs. They have been helping to finish somebody’s else’s full plate for so long that they neglected their own as it was growing bigger and bigger. The result: clean plate and a full belly for
everybody else and full plate and an empty stomach for them.
Anybody who takes
their own life is not weak. There is only so much food one can eat off a plate
in one sitting by themselves. Do not get to the point where you are so
overwhelmed that you just want to throw the whole thing away. There are new
plates (stronger and imported ones), there are better food choices and there is
always time to finish a meal. Never forget that.
It is strength to allow yourself to feel all the pain that
is inside you. It is strength to realize that you are at the end of your rope.
It is strength to be 150% honest with yourself. However, it is the ultimate
sign of strength to do something about it.
2. You suffered from depression or mental illness.
If you have ever spoken to a friend or a professional about
thoughts of suicide then you know full well that it is usually met with two
questions: have you tried this (insert name of generic happy pill)? Have you been to that clinic? Though I do believe that many people who are suicidal are
clinically depressed and may have an actual chemical imbalance, it does not
however do anybody justice when every single person who has had thoughts of suicide
gets lumped into an umbrella category of “depressed” and having mental issues.
Yes, in some ways this diagnosis can help an individual
get through their struggle but in many ways they can also harm them. Such labels stigmatize
the individual, take away all personal identity and defines them as belonging to some society disapproved group that further puts them in a position of being less then. If you are
having a bad day and you think that you may not be able to get through the next
one, it does not necessarily mean that you are depressed or that some wire in
your brain is off. It can simply mean that you have perhaps taken on more than
you can chew and need to release all the anxiety, frustration and feelings of
failure that you have accumulated. To be sad does not mean that you are
depressed. It means that you are a human being who reacts to things. It would
be weird if you didn’t.
3. You only cared about yourself.
It is normal to first feel sadness and then complete anger for
the person who purposely both ended their life and caused you pain as a result
of it. “He/she didn’t care about anybody but his or her own self!” plays like a
broken record when someone loses somebody to the choice of suicide (and make no mistake, it is a choice)
but the truth is, anybody who has ever taken their own life did care about
those around them. They cared a lot. So much so that their own perceived
failure in the eyes of those they both loved and respected was unbearable. They
did care about you and it was their assumed unworthiness in your own eyes
that they couldn’t come to terms with. Little did they know though that them
just staying alive (living and breathing) was all that we wanted from them.
4. You were anti-social and an introvert.
I don’t think it needs to be said that those we never
thought would, did. I always say, don’t worry so much about the person with the
most melodramatic Facebook status, worry about the person who always seems happy.
People who are prone to suicide lead very private yet social lives; always
worried about burdening others with their own pain and thus keep most of it to
themselves. They go out a lot, they date, they mingle. They play the part of
social butterflies but little do you know that lone wolf tendencies are inherently
them.
Not a single person is immune to pain so severe that they
think it will never leave them. Sometimes the people we should be the most
worried about are the ones we often are not.
5. You wanted to die.
The biggest misconception about somebody who takes their own
life is that they wanted to die. I know what you are thinking, if they didn’t
want to die they wouldn’t have killed themselves. Yes, from a logical point of view
death is the ultimate relief where there is no rewind button but if
you have ever talked to anybody who has survived their own suicide attempt, most will tell
you that they never wanted to bow out completely. They just wanted to hit the pause button, start
over and undo all their mistakes. Maybe have some relief from a devastating break-up,
consecutive failure and on some level, a break from their own self.
We need to let go of the stereotypes that surround both who have attempted and survived it and those who were successful. Not everyone was suffering from depression and if you ask me, I believe that if given a second chance, most wouldn't go through with it. If given a second chance...
What a pity that we don’t live in a world where you can
take a month off from work (without getting penalized) to get your head together
and get your emotional and mental self back on track. What a shame that we
rarely have friendships so transparent that we can bear our hearts and darkest
thoughts without the slightest fear of being judged or having it repeated elsewhere. How
sad that most often than not, we have partners who do not take us exactly as we are; most partners want the cheerful and uplifted version of ourselves
(hair and makeup better be on point too) and grow irritated when they are given
the opposite. Maybe if we did most people wouldn’t feel so alone and see
solvable problems (as most are) as not.
