6 Ways You Just Put Me in the “Not Interested” Category Before You Even Opened Your Mouth/ Confessions from POF Land.

If you know me personally then you know that I’m not huge on the whole dating game (you are shocked, yes I know). Not because I have stopped loving being carefree in the big city or have shelved my childhood dream of the white picket fence. On the contrary, I very much enjoy the idea of doing whatever I want, whenever I want (I think my Facebook party pics speak for themselves) and I still dream of the white picket fence. You know that one that is in the background while my spawn plays outside and I enjoy a glass of Chardonay in the brilliant sunshine and hubby is cooking steaks just the way I like them. I love the idea of all that however, I hate the idea of spending every Saturday night getting ready for a potentially meh person (I always remind myself that meh to me could be dreamboat for another and vice versa) and a potentially meh connection. I also hate the whole, "Why hasn’t he called he had a great time” that us girls tend to get. Dating overall just seems like one big ol’ headache (maybe other people are just one big ol' headache) and this city girl hates headaches.

I refuse to spend considerable time meeting folks who just don’t do it for me and would much rather do something (anything) with my time than that. That’s where Plenty of Fish comes in. Usually my profile is in the hidden section (deactivating, activating it months later seems silly) so keeping it hidden or dormant allows me to come and go as I please. Once in a blue moon though I’ll click, “Unhide Profile” and see what’s out there. I'll put on my most flattering one piece and go fishing, as the kids say. A sea of faces seemingly all eager to connect penetrate my screen and in the first 30 minutes I feel like the most attractive girl at the bar with a line-up of guys wanting to chat her up. Before I get too carried away though I always remind myself that I’m not at a bar, I’m at home in flannel pants, yesterday's shirt and have mom's famous sour cream face mask while talking to randoms that may not look like their pics and could very well be the exact opposite of who they are projecting online. It’s a discouraging thought to be spending your time with someone who may not be who they say they are but that’s small fries compared to all the things that people do that put them in the "Thank you but no thank you" category before they even open their mouths.

You Were Negative

I'm gonna start the first POF "Don't" with the most overused, cliche thing anyone can ever tell you. That being, be positive. It's a hard thing to do when the majority of us aren't feeling positive and hate everyday that doesn't start with the word Saturday and Sunday but let me ask you, would you go to a job interview expressing how much you hated your former job and how you wished they’d die for how horrible he or she (probably she, female bosses are the worse) treated you and the hours he or she made you work? Of course you wouldn’t because that kind of attitude makes you come across as bitter and a bit paranoid and nobody wants bitter (or paranoid). On that note, why do grown adults not see that such an attitude will also get them nowhere on an online dating profile? The truth is, we’ve all been hurt. Some of us to the point where tears can start streaming down our face when discussing a former relationship but it is important to remember that the person that hurt you, is not the same person behind the screen. Remember, that person that hurt you is not behind the screen and tell yourself that when you want to unload on someone you just met.  

That person you just said hi to could be the most honest person in the world so why bring that negativity into a fresh new room that you both just entered in? Because that’s what every new meeting with someone new is- a fresh new room with brand new curtains and a never sat on sofa. Don’t ruin it by bringing in that old smelly rug you secretly still hate but keep cause you can't let go.

You Leaned With Materialism and Didn't Show Me Who You Truly Are

If I’ve said once, I’ve said it a thousand times, quality women will never stay with you just because you are ballin’. The “basics”, sure they will (what else are you doing?) but show me a driven, attractive and assertive woman who is looking for the real thing and it’s gonna take a lot more for her to get off the market than a flashy car and a big house. Not to say that she will not appreciate and admire what you have achieved in your life but if your dating profile pics have you holding stacks of cash and a gallery of your cars (seen all that and more), most women who have it together will be turned off and might actually feel sad that you think were all the same. Nice things are great but at the end of the day, if there's no spark, there's nothing. Besides, do you really want a girl who is just down for the party?

I use the same principle regarding posting only good bikini pics. Personally I have a link to my blog on my POF profile because at the end of the day I wont always look like the picture he saw in 2016, my character and ability to write however will. Case in point, gentlemen, take down all your flashy car pics off your profile, like now. Who are you really?

You Weren't Creative About the First Contact or First Message You Sent

I know it may be annoying but when you message me via a dating profile with a mundane, "Hey" to me you are just some guy messaging me to say just that. I have no idea who you are and you get lumped into the dozens of others who just sent me a “Hey, hows it going?” message. I need a little more to be interested. I’m not saying start writing me poems from the get go but comment on something that makes me feel like you actually took the time to read my profile. As mentioned I have a link to my blog and somebody who takes the time to read just one (it just takes one) blog that I wrote, is somebody who I will never ignore.

You Weren't Patient

What has always fascinated me is how persistent strangers can be. I have experienced guys sending multiple messages within a day that made me want to message them and say, “Buddy, this is not how you do it!” Once I even did. I wasn’t trying to make him feel bad but rather wanted to instill some wisdom in the poor sap who thought sending me, “Hey, got my first message?” or “You there?” was a turn on. It’s not, like ever.

Remember that girl that texted you her 3^rd message of the day before you even replied to her first? You didn’t want her right? She turned you off because, well, who wants to be badgered over and over. Well, women are the same way. Whoever told you we like persistent men got it right but there’s a fine line between persistent and making me feel like you are all about me before even meeting me; before we even connect. This applies to guys and girls. Ladies and gentleman, patience is a virtue. If they liked what they saw on the screen they will get back to you. No convincing or reminders needed. Comprendi?

You Weren't the Kind of Guy You’d Want Your Sister to be Messaged By

There’s a great quote I heard a few weeks ago that made me think. It said, “Are you the kind of guy who would be happy your daughter was dating if you had one.” On that note, would you like it if some dude sent your sister a dick pic or an invitation to bump uglies from the get go? No of course you wouldn’t. Treat online women who you do not see in the flesh with the same respect you would if she was in front of you. Some of you are shocked when women are not as open as you would like them to be from the get-go. Sorry babe, too many invitations for weird shit that have us a little hesitant. Nothing you can’t change though by being a genuine and sweet guy.

You Don't Understand What Women Want

With so much knowledge at their disposal it astounds me how lost some men still are to women. Have-it-together, good looking guys who are the epitome of a proverbial "catch" are making every mistake in the book (many of the ones I mentioned above and more). So here goes, I’m going give you advice that most females wont divulge and that is, what do women truly want and how do some of us get off the market? Personally, I think I speak for the majority of women who will tell you that they want to feel desired. When we believe that you actually care about what comes out of our mouth (more than what you would like in it) it is then that you have us. Walk into every romantic setting (online and off) with this knowledge (that a woman must feel as if you truly desire and care for her) and every hot girl you see online can be yours.

4 Friends to Distance Yourself From To Get Your Mind, Body & Health to the Next Level

When I was growing up, my mom’s favourite thing to say to me was (insert Russian lady accent here) “Karina, tell me who your friends are, and I’ll tell you who you are.” Like clockwork, I’d roll my eyes and answer (insert little girl Russian accent here), “Okay, mom.” while every fiber of my being had to contain myself from yelling, “You are wrong!” Instead I would just always nod my head and smile. I refused to believe that there was such a thing as, guilty by association. How could there be? Aren't we all individuals with our own quirks and characteristics? Also, I didn't believe that someone else's bad habits can become my bad habits just because I spent considerable time with them. That's crazy talk, I thought.

For instance, I considered myself entirely different from my teenage best girlfriends (never mind that any given day you could see us all rockin’ the same Le Chateau flairs in midnight blue). What my mom preached to me was complete nonsense I thought. Just because I was dating a guy who dabbled in a little coco here and there, didn’t mean I went near it. That went without saying, right? Right?! Everything my mom preached made no sense until I grew up and realized that who you surround yourself with is a mirror of what you value, who you value and (shocker) how much you value yourself. Below are 4 friends who may not be allowing you to get your life to the next level.

The always heartbroken, always broke, always unhappy friend.

I’ve always been told I am a natural nurturer (damn Cancers, all caring and shit) and thus most people gravitate to open up to me. Maybe I seem like somebody who wants to hear them and once upon a time I did until I realized that it’s draining to be friends with someone you have to be a life coach too. I mean, most days I’m busy playing life coach to this ol’ girl and some days working overtime as head life coach. Don’t get me wrong, if you are a close girlfriend or guy friend and ring me up at 3 am to tell me how Boy D or Girl P broke your heart, 99% chance I’ll spend the rest of the night consoling you and telling you how hot you are and that they didn’t deserve you in the first place. Why? Because that’s what good friends do but if this is a weekly thing, then we may have a slight problem. See, you might think I’m just reaching but some folks actually get off on being unhappy. It’s an identity they carved out for themselves and no amount of life coaching can help them because the truth is, they don’t want help, they don’t want change. They like being the always heartbroken, always broke, always unhappy soul that they claim to be. If they didn’t they wouldn’t be ringing you up every Friday like clockwork telling you the same ol’ story. Instead they’d be bettering themselves. The sad part is, if you continue to roll with this friend, it wont be long till you might end up being heartbroken, broke and ultimately, unhappy.

The always takes, seldom gives friend

I’m the kind of girl that notices when a friend buys me a drink. It’s a little thing, I know, but how could one not notice when there is a new, delicious drink in your hand (my fav double lime too) and I haven’t even opened up me new Rebecca Minkoff wristlet? Vodka crans don’t just pop up out of thin air, right? Hmm, wouldn’t it be awesome if they did though? Okay, were getting off topic. But yes I always notice when a friend treats me because the truth is, it feels nice to be treated but you know what else feels nice, to repay the favour; to make that friend feel appreciated. And I know some of you are judging and are ready to jump on this with a “Why do I need to repay a nice gesture when I didn’t ask for it in the first place?” and I understand where you are coming from however, in my friend role book, if you are a person of integrity, you have a genuine desire to treat those who treat you. This can be applied to many different scenarios. Case in point, if you are going to take, give back as well. Don't want or cannot give back, then do not accept and take, it's just that simple bro.

The “this wont work, that’s a dumb idea” friend.

If you know me personally then you know that much like myself, I love outspoken people. Loud, tell you how it is, straight, no chaser kind of folk. We need people like that in our lives to tell us when we could be hitting up Bovine just a little too often, dating a douche or douchette or just not acting right. However, there is a fine line between being that well meaning friend and the always-bringing-you-down-friend.

For instance, in the summer of 2014 while planning my milestone bday concert, I decided that I wanted to dive head first into concert promoting. I knew it would come off as a little bit of a shock to some because well, just because you are a staple in the Toronto concert scene, doesn’t mean you know a thing about promoting concerts. Luckily I did and do but not everyone felt that way. I will never forget how it felt telling one of my then close guy friends that I was going to do my first show and how excited I was. He wasn’t excited for me though. He actually told me I didn’t have what it takes to succeed in it and that I was wasting my time even trying. “But I have to at least try. That’s the kind of person I am…” I tearfully typed out to him on FB chat. He broke my heart that day. Not because of what he said but because I knew right there and then that he wasn’t a real friend. 

Appreciate those that believe in your big dreams as much as you do and most importantly, cherish those that see the hidden talents that you possess. Your real friends think you’re fuckin’ amazing and know you can do anything you put your mind to.

The secretly wants to see you fail friend.

This is quite possibly the hardest friend to cut loose. Why? Because you probably have known them for years. Hell, he or she might have slept over the night before. You may have even hit the bars together twice last week cruising for dudes/chicks. See, the painful truth is (and this is years of scientific proof speaking at you) very few people actually and sincerely want you to do well and become the biggest and brightest version of you. It gets better, 90% of those folks are your blood family that actually have a serious stake in your life as your success means they didn’t do so bad after all. Yes, this is a hard pill to swallow but its not that most people don’t want you to do well, they just don’t you to do better than they are doing. Sure jealousy is part of the human experience but if you have a friend that rarely congratulates you, secretly smiles when you fail, doesn’t come out to support you and you overall have always felt that something was off, look into that and don’t just categorize it as nonsense. Real friends have a genuine desire to see you happy, healthy and thriving.

You’re Not Okay, I’m Not Okay, We’re Not Okay and That’s Okay.

Have you ever felt really optimistic and motivated and then have it all go down the bidet the next day? Or even worse, wake up on top of the world (I like to start my day off with Rick Ross' Hustlin' when I feel such, don't judge y'all), ready to conquer and by dinner time feel like everyone and everything rejected you (forget conquering you just want to get through the day in one piece)? If you have checked yes to both of those things, congratulations, you are a flesh and blood human being with a beating heart.

It’s always amazed me how things go wrong when you least expect it or should I say, feel so strong and uplifted that you can't imagine feeling anything but those things. Sure, you get to a certain age and you expect a little wrinkle here and there but it’s no fluke that life often serves us a big dose of “Let’s see how you are going to handle THIS tough guy” right before you sat down and said to yourself, “Bring it, world, I got this!” You ain’t got shit, sweetheart. It’s okay. None of us really do.

Two weeks ago I was making sure my correspondence was up to date (Facebook, Yahoo email, POF, that sort of modern girl thing) and was feeling good. Like really good. Actually, the fact that I was catching up on my correspondence was a sign that I was feeling good because who wants to answer, “How are things?” with a truthful “Awful.” There I sat at my computer writing away, feeling light and carefree, happily replying to email after email with an honest, "I'm really good" then bam, like clockwork a not so nice message was calling my name. Who sent it and why is was sent is not important in this dialogue but rather what should be investigated is how fast the light and carefree girl from an hour ago transformed into somebody who had tears in her eyes trying to tell herself she was too old to cry over spilled milk or in this case, a mean girl who have no love for ol’ Karinie.

As I sat there, hurt and confused by the message I just received, I had a thought- if I truly was that carefree and happy girl from an hour ago, then how and why would this message affect me? If my feelings were genuine, then how can anything possibly touch me? Or more importantly, if the ground on which I stand on is rock solid, how can anyone ever shake me? It was right there and then that I realized that to be human, or in my case, to be a sensitive human, meant that there is no such thing as rock solid ground. Ever. You would think such news would have upset me even more but on the contrary, it uplifted me. 

What I was feeling, a good day turned upside down is what most people experience. I was no different from them and there was no shame in feeling happy and going to sleep feeling the opposite. 

The realization that life was both a rock solid marble concrete I walk on and a big bumpy playhouse underneath was comforting. Life really is an abundance of the both the good and the bad; carefree and light and painful hard in the same breath. No going around it. That’s what makes all of us human and that's the path that is in front of us.

The fact that you can be in a metaphorical tropical climate and feel hot and want to remove a layer of clothing and then feel cold when put in a proverbial ice storm and long for that warm sweater you just took off, doesn’t mean that your thermometer is off but rather you react to both the cold and the hot. As every human should. Would you ever want to be the person that is in the heat and then the cold and says both feel the same? I don’t. Human beings are reactionary creatures and really have the ability to experience every emotion and feeling there exists when living in a world where anything can happen to them.

Or maybe the plan is to always keep you guessing. You know, never allow your head to get so big and your heart so strong from never feeling heartache that you forget what sadness does feel like and have no way of understanding (see: comforting) someone suffering. To make you have enough in your emotional bank account to feel good but not so much to that you start believing that nothing can ever touch you.

Or maybe if you are constantly on unsteady ground, always knowing that a boost of suffering and heartache can come at you any time or day then maybe you can start appreciating your happy times just a little bit more. As cliché as it may sound, the truth is, the happiest happy have suffered the most and thus actually appreciate good times like nobody else can understand. “Why are you so in this moment” they might ask and you’ll reply, “Cause I know it wont last.”

The good news is, mean girls (and mean boys), just like emotions, come and go. None of them hold on to you indefinitely. Nothing can. If you can remember that on your darkest day then there is nothing you won't get through.

Everyday we are walking on unsteady ground. Wake up with a smile on your face on Tuesday, cherish it, it may not be the same story on a Wednesday. Same goes for you who went to bed with tears in your eyes on a Friday. Cheer up, something amazing might happen to you next Saturday. Feel hurt by a certain person. Guess what, they too are going to be coming and going. Remember that part I said about nothing being able to hold on to you indefinitely? Same thing goes for those you meet, for those you hate and sadly, even those you love. Nothing and no one can hold on to you indefinitely. Find comfort that nothing lasts forever; not your popularity, not your loneliness, not your youth, your sadness, and as my favorite lyrics said to me on a very dark 1999 October day, “Not even cold November rain.”

Would Rather Have Riches Than Love/ I Walked Away from Love

Would Rather Have Riches Than Love

Would rather have riches than have love.

Would rather have a Chanel purse than a hug.
What's the point? That hug you'll give to somebody else anyways when I am away from you and another has her arms wide open.

Would rather have a vacay than a bittersweet kiss that will be held by someone else's lips that bear no resemblance to mine.

Would rather have a new pretty dress than be written a love song. 
One day after you had sung it and proclaim that it was meant for me (and only me) you'll change all the Karinas and greenish-blueish eyes to something else.
She'll never know and the song will be hers and I will sit pretty and loveless in my new pretty dress.

Would rather have riches than love.   

I Walked Away From Love  

I walked away from love because it made me complacent.
I walked away from love because that at times numbing and yet fiery longing and hunger for more left me and was replaced with warmth, empathy and compassion when I fell in love.
That hectic, wild storm that scared me and yet thrilled me became a calm body of water that provoked in me a state of stillness when I had love.
I walked away from love because it made me complacent. 

I walked away from love because when we were in bed I no longer cared if I missed a workout and if that stomach he kept kissing was utterly flat enough. That's a problem when I need my stomach to be flat.
That need to conquer the day and save the world was gone, banished as if it was never there. Only to be replaced with wanting to save him and I and only him and I. That's a problem when I need to save the world and it isn't just him and I. 

That filthy, greedy desire to make more money and show off became an afterthought that started to hold little substance. How can one ever  be full from materialist shit when one was already from just his touch?
I walked away from love because it made me complacent. 
So forgive me, my love, that I walked away from love. 

How to Love Yourself Authentically and Sincerely

You might think that writing a piece on how to love yourself is redundant or better yet, unnecessary in a world that puts so much emphasis on self-fulfillment and pleasure. The irony however is that even with so much emphasis on the self, today’s grown adults seldom know how to love themselves. I mean truly themselves and as a result most don't know how to love others. I’m not talking about a quest rooted in ego and self-absorption but rather authentic care and sincere love for one self.

True self-love is rarely advertised as the world does not encourage us to love ourselves authentically and sincerely but rather promotes a superficial kind of love that starts hot and heavy in the summer and dies bitterly and alone in the dead of winter; a one night stand kind of love. Hot and heavy but no real substance. All show and tell but when the chips are down, you are lost. You know that kind of fake love, where you are friendly and go through all the motions of love but cant think of one thing you honestly like about her or him. Secretly you cringe when you see them hit going on events you are at but will both be nothing but hugs and smiles when the two of you finally do meet (yay frenemies unite). That is the kind of superficial, unauthentic self-love that the world encourages for ourselves. No wonder so many seemingly confident people crash and burn the moment their life starts to unravel and it is revealed (sometimes even they are surprised) that they never had any authentic self-love to begin with.

Below are 6 ways that you can practice authentic self-love:

Put Yourself First and Feel Free to Say “No Thank You” With Ease.

When I was growing up, if I wasn’t working on my own projects and essays, I was working on my little brother’s. I have so many memories of me as a tween, staying up till 1 am all messy hair and my little hands all tired from writing and/or drawing while my brother was fast asleep on his second dream. As far as I could remember my mom always told me that good sisters help their brothers whenever they can and it is that exact mantra that drove me to stay up and do grade 8 homework (again) when I really wanted to sleep. Years later I noticed I adapted that same philosophy over to friends and relationships. I found myself helping and being there for those that I felt drained me of my time and energy but whenever I wanted to pull back I'd hear myself say a revisionist version of my mom’s mantra, “A good girl/friends help others.” I continued to spend my time and energy on those that I felt needed me because as my mom’s advice with my brother, I too believed that to be a good friend or girlfriend, you had to put the other person first. Never mind what I needed, these people had bigger fish to fry, so I thought. In other words, whatever time and energy I had leftover from solving other people's problems I could unapologetically put towards mine.

It has taken years to undo this way of thinking and nowadays if I do not care to go somewhere or really do not care to speak to someone, I will not think twice as to say, “Busy at the moment, catch you another time.” I am no longer frantically looking for WiFi so I can reply to an email or message instantly (heaven forbid I reply the next day) but rather I conduct myself in a way where I am not in uncomfortable situations to please others. I have learned that I need to please myself first. That’s true self-love. To identify what you need and get it. That is way more important than having others identify what they need and ask you for it. Authentic self-love will always put your needs first.

You might say that this approach to friends and relationships is a a bit selfish and is a form of character regression rather than a progression because truth be told, I agree that the world is a better place when we help each other but in my life I have learned that the most helpful and giving people are also the most hurt. Think about it, if you are constantly giving and spending time on others, what time and energy is there left for you? What time and energy do you have to heal your own scars and wounds if you are bandaging up others?  The way I see it, putting others before yourself is like bleeding from an open wound but using a cloth to wipe the sweat of a friend that just ran 10 KM instead of using it to hold pressure on the wound. That’s what lack of self-love looks like. Constantly bleeding but worrying how others are feeling.

Eat Right and Take Care of Your Body

Feel free to judge me but I’ve never met an overweight person I believed when they told me they loved themselves. Same went for ultra skinny minnies who lived on salad and grilled chicken once a day. To love yourself authentically and sincerely is to nourish your body and truly listen to it when it is hungry and when it is full. It is to feed it colourful veggies and fruits and indulge in chocolate cake when the mood strikes. To love yourself is to feed yourself but also have the love of oneself to say, “I don’t need that 3^rd slice of cake.”

To love yourself authentically and sincerely is to listen to your body and slow down when it is telling you to do so. In the same breath, when it is telling you it feels like running for no good reason except that it needs to, listen to it. Did I ever tell y’all the time I ran from Queen and Palmerston to Queen and Ossington with weird glances all around me. If anybody would have asked me why I was running I would have replied, “My body felt like running and I love it so I listened.” Nobody ever asked though- pity. 

Tune out the B.S.

When you have authentic and sincere self-love the opinions of others don't hurt as much. When you lack self-love pleasing every walking talking person that enters your life will be your priority. You wont even care about the person per say but their unflattering opinion of you will work as a mirror of sorts to who you think you are. When you have self-love the only mirror you know to be true is the one you hold.  

The biggest lesson I have learned in the last 10 years (and this goes back to the first point of putting yourself first) is that I do not have an endless amount of time nor energy. The more time I spend energy on the thoughts of others, the less time I have to focus on my own dreams and aspirations. Besides, some will hate you for the simple fact that you have self-love and are doing well.

Also, keep in keep that when others have self-love the way they will criticize you will be in a way that may be a wake-up call but it wont be one that feels like they are metaphorically bashing your face in just for you to see their point. Rather, they will come to you calmly, firmly and gently. When you have self-love you will do the same.

Surround Yourself With Those that Truly Love You As You Are 

I’ve always been bothered by the quote, “Surround yourself with those that accept you as you are” because many times we grudgingly accept things we do not love. For instance the majority of us have accepted that our boss does not appreciate us, but that doesn’t solve the situation. I don’t know about you but I love to surround myself with those that not only get my craziness but admire it. The other day I had a friend tell me, “I wanna be Karina happy. I bet you walk into a supermarket smiling from ear to ear.” This is in contrast to those that tell me I am too loud and that I should use my “inside voice more”. Guess which friend I want hang out with more? The former of course and not because my ego loves being stroked but because when you are constantly around those that tell you they think you are too loud, too outspoken and not patient enough it is then that those traits that define you will be the exact same traits you will be ashamed of. You will start to believe that you are too loud, you are too outspoken and you need to work on your patience. Before you know it you become this quite, afraid to raise her voice kinda girl. You’ll hate her and miss that loud crazy chick that was authentically you.

Surround Yourself With Those That Truly Want to See You Do Well

I’ve always lived my life by the theory, “Be nice to everyone but only trust a select few” and so far it’s worked. I’ve met many people who I didn’t think wished me well and distanced myself from them even when others said I was not warranted to act that way. The truth is, wolves sometimes come in really fabulous faux- fur and its important to differentiate who will be the wolf that will want to bite you the first minute they are able to. Save yourself the heartache and allow people to prove themselves to you. Those with real self love know that trust is earned, not just given out to anybody that enters your life. Think a friend or boyfriend did something weird that questions their loyalty- ask them about it. The number one way to decrease your self-love is to surround yourself with those that secretly do not want you to do well and to make yourself believe that it’s all in your head. How do I define those that don’t want you to do well? They secretly wish they had what you had and most probably they will betray you at the first available chance. Having self-love is walking away from those kind of people.

Develop and Trust Your Own Instincts and Intuition

I had written a whole post a few months back on the importance of trusting your intuition and I still stand by it (for those curious: http://theocdmind.blogspot.ca/2015/08/intuitiveness-intent-and-other-survival.html). In my life I have noticed that I am the most spiritually awake and coincidentally have the most ability to be instinctually right when I have the most self-love.

When you love yourself authentically and sincerely, your intuition becomes your compass of who to be with and where to be at. When you lack that self-love and coincidentally start looking for it in others it is then that you start questioning your own instincts and intuition and sometimes find yourself in the wrong circles and most importantly, with the wrong people. When you start questioning your own intuition (the number one sign that your love tank is dry) that’s usually when everything gets messy. If you truly love yourself, trust your instincts and know that they are leading you to where you need to be (no matter what you hear otherwise). 

You may be reading this and have to ask yourself, how do I know I lack self-love. I think the biggest indicator where you are in the self-love scale is how to treat other people. The world is your reflection and if you're frustrated and have a disdain for others, chances are those feelings are also found in relation to how you feel in regards to your own life. Think the world is full of idiots and you are the last surviving rational person? Hmm, maybe you gotta check that self-love monitor of yours. 

4 Letter Word

The most beautiful 4 letter word, the strongest 4 letter word.

You said early on, you said carelessly.

You said it in the morning, you said it in the afternoon and you’d have it on repeat during the night.

No idea what it meant, still no idea what it means.

Got it confused with the other 4 letter word. 
Well, fuck me. I thought you knew the difference.

I looked for that 4 letter word in all the wrong places and so it should be no surprise that it found me in all the wrong places.

Wanted that 4 letter word so badly that I took whatever 4 letter word came out of your mouth. 
No name brand Coca-Cola is better than nothing, I thought. 
Should have stuck to water. 

That 4 letter word doesn’t live with you.

That 4 letter word is not in your arms.

It’s not in your kiss.

The most beautiful 4 letter word, the most strongest 4 letter word.

The Death of Lemmy and The Glorification of Drug Culture

We live in a very contradictory world. The day after Black Friday ('Murica's version of Boxing Day on steroids) we LOL’ed at images of folks scavenging for new HD TV’s and biting, kicking (whatever it took really) to whoever stood in their way. In the same breath we like pictures of our friends’ new cars, just bought Coach purses and everything else under the sun that defines consumerism. Don’t get me wrong, I love me a brand spankin’ new pebble leather Coach purse, I’m just saying we are all walking, talking contradictions that hate on one thing but like (literally) the same thing just disguised in a more civilized and prettier package.

We do not however only practice such behaviour in relation to images on our screen but also to those we worship and consequently then mourn (and somehow look surprised that they died). On that note, I don’t know about you but show me everyday Joe Blow or Plain Jane who struggles with drug addiction and you will show me somebody who has lost the majority of his or her friends and family. Somebody who walks around the party with a scarlet letter attached to their Motorhead shirt that could might as well read, “Serious Drug User. Do not Approach and/or Approach with Caution.” 

Drug users live with a certain stigma that most almost never shake off (even when clean). And understandably so. However none of this applies if you are a successful musician as Lemmy Kilmister was. Your hardcore partying, bad boy, “I do as I please and go as I please” approach to life and love is praised and regarded as a holy doctrine of sorts in the bible of rock n roll. To some he is rock n' roll and to criticize him is to criticize the genre that so many (including myself) love.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not hatin’ on good ol’ Lemmy (in fact a part of me wishes I had more of him and less of nagging, responsible me) but I am somewhat shocked at how much we are praising a man who proudly proclaimed to have slept with over 1,000 women, smoked, injected and snorted more than he probably needed all under the disguise of living life to the fullest.Why don't we praise everyday civilians who live like that? God knows many do. Maybe if they played guitar and wore all black they would be, right?

Musicians such as Lemmy often brand drug addiction in such a colorful, cool package that one cannot help but say, "This looks fun, can I has dat?" At what point though does one say enough when such a lifestyle starts deteriorating your health, your mind, our body, and above all, your talent and craft. Lemmy was a gifted musician, no one is denying that but make his life some kind of an example to an impressionable young kid and watch how fast he may end up as an STD ridden addict with no real future. 

Lemmy preached the rock n roll lifestyle till he died but what else was left for him to do? Tell us all that it's all just one giant lie that will leave you sick in the end. Break the hearts of countless aging but once young men who followed his bachelor lifestyle to a tee and are now living at home while some of their friends have wives and children. 

It's a hard thing I assume to be a walking, talking rock n roll God because at the end of the day you are merely a human being that may one day say, "I changed my mind." Personally, I've always believed that though people project a certain image and outlook it does not mean that at one point they wished their life had taken a different turn (even if they wont admit that to their friends, fans or even themselves).

Sometimes we preach a certain lifestyle so loudly and passionately and for so long that even when we want to change it, we feel almost ashamed to abandon the person we claimed to have known it all. Maybe at the end of his life Lemmy regretted his decisions to have been the poster child for drugs, sex and rock n roll. Before you message me with a “No of course he didn’t, silly girl!” please know that you do not know that. I don’t either. How Lemmy felt at the end of his life is something only he knows. Hopefully he died at peace or maybe he wished (just a little bit) he could do it all differently. Again, I don’t know that answer and you don’t either.

Going back to my original point- why do we shun everyday non-famous drug users but praise rich popular ones? They too are living life to the fullest, if you ask them. Is there a difference to them? Sure there is. Only to a fan though. Drug addiction is all about living "life like a video. When the sun is always out and you never get old. And the champagne’s always cold and the music is always good" until you witness somebody close to you become a shadow of who they once were due to them. After that, references to them in your favourite songs don’t seem so catchy anymore and any sort of praise by them by a celebrity is seen as an example of a blabbering drug addict who is trying to convince everyone that the party is still on and nothing is wrong. Even when everything is.