Friend Drifters and the Self-Absorption of Constant Withdrawal and Space, Part 2

Now that we have identified the individuals who come and go into our lives as they see fit, the term I endearingly refer to as the friend drifter, let’s discuss how to go about approaching such people and maybe even beating them at their own game. Recently, a video caught my attention that was centered on the topic of what to do if people are being distant with you (such as not returning texts, phone calls and of course that feeling you get at the pit of your stomach when there is some sort of underlying, cant-put-my-finger-on-it tension between you and someone you know). If you are a regular reader you know that I dedicated an entire post (titled: New Years Resolutions, Mine Tend To Be The Same) on how we should allow ourselves to feel comfortable with letting things be and leaving situations undefined and unresolved when you yourself have tried repeatedly to mend things. The video, much like my post, urged people to back off at the first feeling that you are being avoided; however, unlike my post it encouraged people to be understanding that others may be going through some heavy personal issues that may not even involve you and thus their distance is not a representation of their feelings toward you. In theory, that is a very reasonable point and I too have been guilty (mostly in my younger years) of withdrawing and purposefully excluding myself from friends who I really liked but did not want to be around due to my own personal issues. I get it, sometimes you just need a good break from everything and everyone for your well-being and sanity. Been there, done that, more times than I count. However, when the tables are turned and it is I who is being avoided and told “I have other issues to deal with”, I realize how self-absorbed and even a bit selfish that makes one comes across. Now before you label me as a (insert synonym for needy and demanding here) let me explain where I am coming from. As I get older I appreciate that much more the people I have in my life but saying you appreciate someone is not enough, you must actually show it. Distancing yourself (due to your own troubles) from someone and making them feel as if they had done something wrong is not showing appreciation but rather is the opposite of that. If you've read past posts then you know how much emphasis I put on communication and letting people know where they stand with you because at the end of the day, if somebody is feeling that you are distancing themselves because of something they have done when in reality they have not, you owe it to them to let that be known. We are in the age of constant communication through texting and emails but when faced with a straightforward question of, “What’s wrong, I feel distance between us. Is everything alright?” we go mum.

Also, the video urged for people to “try back” later on in a few months and see if their “distant friend” has come around and you two can pretend as if the “break” never happened. Sounds pretty nice, no? Just let time heal wounds and you two can pick up where you left off. Again, in theory, the logic behind this way of thinking is very reasonable but there is something about a friend who walks in and out of your life as they please that really does not sit well with me. Am I alone in this? I see the beauty of giving someone space however it makes me question who is in the driver’s seat of that particular friendship. If you are only communicating when they have the time, energy and desire to, then I cannot help but feel as if that friendship is centered around the other person’s time. To me a friendship, a real friendship, is when both people are accommodating to each other. A friendship is when you are not in the mood to reply but you see a friend is reaching out and you meet them half way due to the fact that you value this person as a friend. Just ignoring somebody who is trying or better yet coming back to them when you have dealt with your own issues is not being a friend. Yes, we must take care of our minds and make ourselves priority number one, but one can still be a friend while doing that. Why is it one or the other?

How I hope this post has inspired you? Well, that’s a three-fold answer. Firstly, I hope you realize that chasing people (even with good intent) is not the way to go. Don’t keep trying with people who are not showing you the same commitment and care but rather live by the tried and true mantra of “treat others as they do you.” In this case, if they don’t want to communicate and you are the only one doing all the work, well, why are you?

Secondly, spend less time on trying with people who don't show you the same care but rather use that precious time and energy on more important things such as developing new hobbies and interests, work, your family, and friends who actually appreciate you. And in the occurrences that they come back 8 months later and you are no longer interested, well, that’s the risk they took by withdrawing.

Lastly, if you are reading this and have rolled your eyes more than once than maybe you are the person who likes to withdraw, cut off all communication and see nothing wrong with it because you categorize it as taking care of yourself and putting your needs first. Are you a friend drifter, my dear reader? I will not argue with you that taking care of your well-being and putting that as priority numero uno is the pathway to obtaining emotional and mental health but you have to understand, those that keep reaching out to you are not doing it to be a nuisance, but rather do it because they genuinely miss and care for you. As mentioned, real friendship is meeting somebody half way and sometimes doing things you do not necessarily want to or have the time to. Responding and opening up a line of communication with someone who is clearly trying with you is how friendships are sustained and people feel acknowledged and respected versus ignored.

Friend Drifters and the Self-Absorption of Constant Withdrawal and Space, Part 1

I think you will agree with me when I say that we all have various categories of people in our lives. There are friends (usually they are only a handful- and that’s if you're lucky) who you can call at a time of crisis and know that your worry, anger, etc. will be met with compassion, well-intended advice and a genuine concern for what you are going through. Then there are the acquaintances and work friends who you are friendly with but lack the kind of intimacy you share with the former group and quite frankly, that’s the way you like it. There also exists however another group of people, the ones in between; the undefined group of friends who I refer to as the friend drifters. The friend drifters come and go into our lives when they see fit but make no mistake, when they do come around, there is some hot “makeup conversation” to be had that will usually leave you breathless and deliciously sweaty with giddiness. You enjoy the moments you have with them even more because you know deep inside they will not last; as many times before they will disappear (for what will feel like, off the the face of the earth), not return your calls or emails and act like nothing happening when they ring you up 15 months later and say, “What’s up hun, been a minute, eh?” I’m not sure what to make of these kind of people to be honest. The ones I have come across I care deeply about but am I the only one who feels as if I am always stopping and starting with them? By that I mean, when in your life the bond is so strong that you feel it will last a lifetime but when they adopt their gypsy living ways and you two do not talk for months, hell, sometimes even years, you can’t help but think to yourself, did I even have a real friend to begin with? Or better yet when a birthday rolls around and you don’t hear from them or something amazing happens in your life and you reach out to tell them but never get a response, you think, do they even care? Do they even remember me?

This entry is dedicated to those exact people; the gypsy living, I-need-an-abundant-amount-of-me-time-type individuals who guilt us when we call them out on their excess need for space and withdrawal during both the ordinary and extraordinary moments of our lives. When confronted they will usually urge us to be more self-sufficient and less of a nag and just let them have whatever space they need for as long as they need to. And that’s if you are lucky. Many times your calls wont even get so much as a response but when the urge to come back strikes, we are to welcome them with open arms and act as if they never ignored every email that came their way in the last 6 months. As mentioned, if you call those individuals out they will preach to you the laws of giving people space and worst of all, make you feel like a demanding, needy nag. So much so that most of us give up on the friendship altogether. Make no mistake though, its not because we want to (most times we will still care for them in spite of being ignored and forgotten) bur rather, it becomes too much of an emotional burden to hold on.

It's important to note however that both people need to put in the time and energy to keep a friendship alive. This entry is for those who receive emails and calls from people who are putting in the effort but lack doing the same in return. A scenario where both people forget each other's birthdays, anniversaries and overall are both guilty of not staying in touch is entirely different from the one I am emphasizing here. In that situation both people are equally at fault for why lack of quality time together has created distance and lack of familiarity in what was once very real and very strong.

You would think that living in an age where throwing all responsibility out the window and giving yourself “me time” is praised, I would get a little more comfortable with friend drifters but I never have. In theory, I appreciate the notion of taking time for yourself and and unlike our mothers and the generation of women before them, present day women are urged to put themselves first and if time, energy and desire allows, invest in a husband and children. In my experience however there exists a fine line between taking time for yourself and becoming a self-absorbed, what-do-I-need-right-now type individual who time and time again forgets birthdays and only checks in when they see fit.

And of course some people will turn around and say that some connections are so vibrant and embedded that two people will not talk for years but then come back and its as if both never left. That exists, I wont deny that, but in my friendship rule book (make no mistake, I have one) people who care about me must be present or at least acknowledge when important events and milestones are achieved in my own life. If you missed me telling you how I felt waking up on my 29^th birthday knowing that I am entering the last year of my twenties, the birth of a baby, or some other important event, then how are you a part of my life, my real life?

On that note, I have to ask: if you are in a friendship (or even a relationship) where someone is coming and going as they please (whenever you please), then isn’t that friendship built around convenience rather than genuine loyalty and care? Simply put, I come from a place and live with the belief that friendship and all those feelings that come along with caring about somebody, need to go hand in hand with actions that parallel such feelings. It is not enough to say that you are a good friend, one must show that they are a good friend and in my friendship rule book, acknowledging milestones, living together through crises as well as celebrating the ecstatic times and being present when it counts, is the way to do so.

Five Ways Facebook Is Ruining Your Life and Slowly Deteriorating Your Relationships.

Before I dive head first into this list I need to make it clear that I have not and will not urge anyone to either deactivate or permanently delete their Facebook account. I for one think it makes a very big and disconnected Toronto a little smaller and more familiar but it is not without its drawbacks. Without further ado, my list of things I have either experienced or heard through the stories and occasional tears of those I know. All five points have made me say, “Had it not been for Facebook, this would not be happening right now.”

1. Message Tardiness and the Dreaded “When they read it” Feature.

There was a time where you could send a message, not get a reply but think to yourself, “Maybe they never got it…Maybe it got lost in cyberspace and so there's nothing to reply to.” Yeah, I do. When there was no way to see whether a message was received and read, one could never feel ignored because there was always that chance that they never got it.

Do you also remember the time when you were excited about the fact that you were now instantly able to see exactly when your Facebook message was read? Now it just creates resentment and makes people feel disregarded. For instance, have you ever sent someone a message, saw that they read it instantly but got back to you almost two weeks later (and in that time were updating Facebook regularly)? I have. Yeah, not such a great feeling.

2. Event Invites.

I’ve always said, in some ways the social hierarchy that defined high school never truly leaves our lives. There is always that aspect of exclusion lurking when you least expect it. There still exists that little sliver of not feeling accepted and/or liked when you notice everyone got invited to an event you weren’t. Only difference now is, as adults we shrug our shoulders and say, “I really couldn’t care. Anyways”, when truly, we do.

3. Photographic Event Evidence (aka “Look at our party pics, everyone!”)

Facebook has always been a show and tell of sorts and I for one am happy to take part in such a cultural tradition but mostly when it is I in the party pics toasting the night away and getting silly with the locals at 751. Seeing photographic evidence of an event you weren’t invited to is not the end of the world in the slightest but it has a sour undertone to it, doesn’t it? You know what else is fun? Someone saying they are not going somewhere because they are either broke or have the flu but seeing their shiny face with a beer in hand the next night in a tagged picture. Don’t act like you don’t know what I am talking about.

4. Deleting and Blocking.

Being booted off by somebody you don’t know for no apparent reason is small fries but when it is done by somebody you actually have a history with, needless to say, it’s an unpleasant feeling. You try to not let your paranoia get the best of you but you cant help but ask yourself, “What did I do?” The worst however is being blocked and having all form of communication stripped. This one, if done by somebody you actually considered a friend, actually hurts a little. 

5. The Oh-So Powerful "Like" Button and the Lack Thereof. 

In the last few years the blue and white feature known as the “like” has become our through-the-screen ego stroke. I actually now refer to Facebook as an online stroke machine that either feeds you or leaves you dry. Though small, make no mistake, this little goody has immense power; its an entity really. A form of validation as to whether your statuses are funny, your pictures are stylish and bottom line, whether you are liked (literally). Now, before you tell me that I am putting too much emphasis on the “like”, let me ask you an honest question: how would you react if you posted a status or changed your profile pic and for an entire week you did not receive a single “like”? Yeah, exactly.

Ten Things I Learned In My Late Twenties I Wish I Knew As A Teenager

1. Don’t focus on right now.

Teenagers have a bad habit (I know I did) of assuming that the way things are now are the way they are going to be indefinitely. Cant find part-time work and are literally down to your last $20? Guess I will always be struggling. Boyfriend or girlfriend broke up with you? I’m just meant to be single forever. How things are now, at this present moment, are not an indicator of the gifts that you will possess one day.Your life will change, your life will get better so no need to focus solely on how “bad” things are now. You will find work, you will meet other people. Nothing stays the same, your life included. 

2. Spend time with your family.

When I was growing up my family were these people I saw everyday but felt little real connection to. I didn’t think they understood me nor I them. Of course I would learn much later in my life that those people who I felt such a lack of closeness with would be the ones who would be there for me when everybody else would bow out. They would be my very generous landlords (who didn’t ask for rent) and the only people in my entire existence who never forgot a single birthday. Don’t do as I did and wait till you are older to appreciate your family. Years from now you will look back and realize that of almost all the people you knew as a teenager, chances are, your family will be the ones that are still around. True story.

3. Focus on school.

I’ve always been a big advocate for back up plans. You know, just in case life throws you a curve ball and you find yourself on the brink of a midlife crisis and that dream job you now want requires a high school diploma or even some college credentials. As a teenager I had a lot of friends who just wanted to spend all their time playing guitar and I encouraged them to do so. Want to be a rockstar by the age of 30, sounds awesome but you know what else is awesome: having something to fall back on just in case (just in case). Besides, any girl will agree that a musician who finishes a stellar show but can then turn around and discuss neo-Marxism is never going home alone, like ever.

4. Volunteer somewhere different every year.

As a teenager, volunteering (see: working for free) seemed like such a waste of my time. Why would I devote my precious time and not be compensated for it, is the tune I sang. Little did I know that if I contributed just one day per week (a measly 5 hours) starting at 16, by the time I turned 25 I would have accomplished an approximate total of 2,340 volunteer hours. Now, that’s impressive. To yourself, to your community and anybody who will ever look at your resume.  

5. Get offline.

As somebody who spent many hours of their life on ICQ and MSN Messenger (What, it was the early 2000s) I will be the first to admit that in the time I spent chatting with randoms from Alberta, I could have learned a new language, done better in high school and enjoyed the summers of 2001-2003 just a little more (Ahh, sunshine on my face versus me holed up in my room chatting at 3 am like my life depended on it). Get offline, kids, like now.

6. Know who your real friends are and invest your time in them.

I cant help but feel that when we are really young our main concern (whether we care to admit it or not) is to be liked by those around us. As we get older we realize that very few people are actually worthy of us trying so hard. You are allowed to have a few party friends who you merely drink and have light and casual conversations with but precious time should really be allocated to those you know you can call at 3 in the morning at a time of crisis. Those people are few and far between so make sure you invest your time in them properly.

7. Do not surround yourself with only people who dress like you, listen to the same music as you and like the same things as you.

Do you ever walk by a group of friends and they all look and sound the same? I have and I swore that will never be me again. If you surround yourself with a multifaceted collection of people of all walks of life you will never become complacent. You will also never succumb to the proverbial comfort zone but rather continually experience new and different tastes, hobbies and ways of life you may have never gravitated towards on your own.  

8. Start journaling.

I have said it before and I will say it again, physically writing out your thoughts, feelings and grievances is the cheapest and most healthiest form of therapy there is. Also, it does wonders for your verbal and written skills. I have always written, even as a teenager but I definitely wish I explored creative writing on a more professional level way younger. Besides, how much of a trip will it be to read something you wrote ten years.

9. Do not chase boys, or girls.

If I had a teenage brother or sister I would tell them, “Don’t date, just focus on yourself” but much like I didn’t listen to my mother, they probably wouldn’t listen to me either. Personally, I blame hormones. Besides, what do teenagers know about relationships and how to sustain one? Use this time to build a life for yourself, to establish the kind of person you want to be in 5 years, not chase boys or girls. I know, much easier said than done.

10. Very few things in your life will make or break you.

The truth is, whatever is going in your life right now, at this moment, whoever it is that is disturbing your peace, chances are will all be afterthoughts in a few years. Difficult situations and problems you may have with people presently do not make or break your life, no matter how much you feel they do. You, make or break your life, everything else can be mended, changed for the better and forgotten about altogether.

Staying In Is Overrated: Revelations From A Former Loner; Part 1.

When I was growing up I considered myself having two people who made me stay in on an occasional Friday (and when I say occasional I mean more than I would like to admit). My mom, when I got a bad grade on a paper or came home past my curfew and my own self who lived with the belief that if I am not 100% (body, mind, and spirit) than I must go into self-imposed exile and deal with my issues and only see the sun when I have done so. Well, to be honest, it wasn’t as dramatic as I am making it sound but if I was going through something there was no way I was going to throw on some lip gloss, paint on a smile and face the world. Rather, I stayed in. A lot. Analyzing, pondering, journaling; name a popular goth kid past time and chances are I was doing it. The irony though is that the more I stayed in the less healing usually happened. With hindsight I realize now that I needed to heal while in the world, not outside of it, locked in my room looking and dreaming about it from afar. 

With this present (progressive) mind frame you would think that nowadays if I would have a bad day I would make it a point to go out but still once in a while former me creeps in and I start to withdraw and wrap myself up in the warm of seclusion. For instance, a couple weeks ago a friend of mine was coming to visit me and though I was excited to see him, I didn’t feel like I deserved to have a night out on the town. And just when I wanted to message him and say, “I’m so sorry, I just don’t wanna pretend I’m okay when I’m not”, I made myself do the opposite. I told myself that present day me knows how important it is to show up and so I did.

I have realized (though I know I will still slip up and from time to time enter what I have referred to as self imposed exile) that growth and progression are key to my well being. In order to continue to grow and live outside of complacency many times it means I have to do the opposite of what my former self would have. Doing the opposite of my former self means not standing still but going forward, going out, and above all, still living my life. That is the key to growth and getting over things. Yes, we are allowed to stay in occasionally and heal in private but sometimes we do that much longer than we should or need to. The biggest drawback is that we get too comfortable in that unhappy state and we continue to stay and grow unhappier and less strong. Besides, being “100% okay” (my own personal qualification for being social) is an overrated state and how many of us ever truly get to it? 

Realize that it is important to show up, just simply show up. Consider that maybe staying in will actually add to your misery and loneliness versus relieve you of it. Keep in mind that indeed it is important to take time for yourself and reflect but remember that there are birthdays, concerts and other social events that will make you come home and say to yourself, “So glad I came out.” Lastly, do not rob yourself of joy and potential connections because you are not 100%. Rather, know that none of us are.

The Glorification of Starting Anew, the Hype of Letting Go and the Myth of the Bigger and Better Life.

Frank Sinatra sang that “the best is yet to come” and it is this motto that I looked to when things in my present life were not going as planned. “Things will get better and down the road everything will resolve itself”, I told myself (not sure if you have noticed but pep talks come as second nature to me). The irony of course is that I would look back on those not-so-great times and later realize that the situations and people that I allowed to get to me down did not then and do not now make or break my life. Why did I long for discovering a future treasure of gold and riches when I already possessed some invaluable diamonds and pearls under my very own bed? All I had to do was look under and see them; gleaming brightly at me. No need to wish for a bigger and better life and a fresh start altogether because the life I was living was already pretty damn great.  Too bad I did not see that then.

With that said, it has become a bit of a trend for people (usually in their mid-late 20s and early 30s) to take great, big leaps and make drastic changes with their lives. In some social circles it is encouraged even. Come New Years you are to make monumental changes and those who stay in the same place are chastened. Been with the same company for 5 years (never mind that you are literally a few promotions away from that big title)? Wow, you need to change that. Been with the same person for 4 years and the spark is not what it was? Listen, you need to move on and get yourself on a dating website. I’m here to tell you that sometimes it is best to stay exactly where you are. Don’t misunderstand, I’m not advocating for complacency and non-growth but sometimes, it really is as good as it gets. Too often we don’t see that which we long to chase is less than what we already have; that which we already possess (no chase necessary). 

I can look back on my own life and remember when I was 15 and wanted a new social circle. I said goodbye to all my old childhoods friends and knew (just knew) that there were cooler, more interesting and fun friends out there for me to meet. I look back now and with hindsight I see that the friends I thought were not as cool, were some of the most intelligent, fun and above all, accepting of me, individuals I would meet in the next 5 years of my life. I rid myself of them thinking they were stunning my growth and popularity (teenagers are superficial like that) but little did I know that them in my life only added to my sanity and maturity and lack thereof did the opposite 

Still not convinced that sometimes starting anew may cause more harm than good? Think of the role of antibiotics, they kill everything- the good and not so good stuff. When starting your life from scratch and letting go of all that is tied to “the past” it is important to not sever relations that actually added to your growth and added to your life. In other words, when ridding your life of good people and less than perfect relationships for the dream of something better, ask yourself: is it worth to forgo all that for something that may never come.

Reinventing yourself and starting a new life is good in theory but sometimes the new road does not necessarily lead to bigger and better things. Sometimes there is no better job and the one that pays more may leave you less fulfilled. Sometimes, the partner you dumped (presumably because you thought there were more fish in the sea) was really a tropical mermaid which you were lucky enough to find once. Second time around you may not be so lucky.

Think of people playing a game of poker and thinking that their better hand is always coming up. Some eventually do get a better hand and eventually really cash in but others continue to play when they should have stopped a while ago; when they got a hand as good as they will ever get a few rounds ago. The best never came and they were probably as rich as they were ever going to be when they entered that game.  

Why do I have a still image of Elizabeth Taylor as Cleopatra as the picture for this post? Besides that this film was playing in the background of my blog launch in August and is one of my favorites, I think there are many important lessons found within that movie. I cant help but feel that much like other great historical figures, Cleopatra and Mark Anthony contributed to their own demise. It was the insatiable need for the bigger and better deal, for more riches and excess that lead them to their death. Had their egos been checked and they came to the realization that what they already possessed was enough (no need for more land and titles) than maybe fate would have been kinder to them both.

We need to realize that sometimes, it really is as good as it gets. Sometimes the partners we have are as good as they come. Still feel a sense of entitlement to have or better yet, long for that bigger and better deal? Well, it may never come and the worse part, it may one day and you will open it up and ask yourself, “This is it?!” Sometimes, the grass is not greener on the other side. The irony though is that we must step on it to realize that our grass, the one we got tired of stepping on and caring for, was much more luscious. This one only looked greener from far away. Now while on it, we long for that which we had and see without a shadow of a doubt that our grass was the greener one of the two.

This piece is not to invoke in you feelings of regret or self-loathing, but rather it is my open call, an urge even, for you to appreciate what and who you have now. Go chase your dreams, do take risks but also take some time and see if maybe (just maybe) all you need you already have. Maybe your present self is as beautiful, talented and clever as you will ever be. Maybe the best is not yet to come but is now. Right now, in the present life you are living. No need to start anew.

Ramblings…errr…Confessions Of An Anti-Litter Advocate/5 Reasons It Is Never Okay To Litter.

“Hey, mind if we stop for a minute so I can buy some smokes,” he says to me as he is about to park. 
“Sure.”
“Want anything?”
“Nah, I’m good.”

I take the roughly 3 minutes he is gone to reapply my lip gloss and glance in the mirror. I’m excited for what the evening may entail but those giddy feelings come to a halt when I see him exit the convenience store, unwrap his cigarettes and carelessly throw the plastic wrapping four steps away from the garbage bin by the door. For me, the date is over. Right there, right then. Now, before you call me a self-righteous, nitpicker, hear me out. There is something about someone who litters that I really cannot stand. Simply, I think it speaks volumes about the person’s character. I always think to myself, if someone mistreats Mother Earth than how do they treat their fellow man and woman; how would they treat me? If someone is nonchalant about the state of the city streets they walk and drive by, then how are they in relationships? If someone is unconscious and does not see that what they do affects others, than how can they possibly contribute to my growth and make me a better version of myself? Is it those reasons, I never saw the guy again.

With that said, I consider myself a pretty laid back person but there is one thing that makes this cool cucumber turn spicy, red jalapeno and that is (you guessed it), littering. But not just littering, littering on Toronto’s historic streets. Littering on TTC buses that everyday take roughly 2.5 million people to and where they need to go. Above all though, littering when there are garbage and recycling bins almost everywhere you look. Why do people do it anyways? Is it laziness? Is it lack of consideration towards others and the planet we call home? Should I take a chill pill and stop being so judgmental and stop viewing littering as a deal breaker? Perhaps but there is something about a grown adult throwing out waste on a street he or she shares with the rest of us that really rubs me the wrong way. If you are still unsure why littering is such a big deal and how it affects others, without further ado, my reasons for why it is never okay to litter:

1. It makes our great, big city look unkept. I’ve heard visiting New Yorkers say, “I feel like I’m home, except the streets are a lot cleaner.” Statistics Canada reports that roughly 21 million people visit Toronto every year, lets keep it that way. Ever heard the quote, “Tell me who your friends are and I’ll tell you who you are”. Well, if that is true than the same can be said about our streets. Tell me how a city’s street looks like and I’ll tell you who are the people who inhabit this city. Let’s represent Toronto and ourselves accurately. With littered streets, we don’t do that. 

2. As children we are told to clean up after ourselves and so why stop as adults? Let this little rule our moms told us be remembered when we are out wandering the streets, enjoying picnics at Trinity Bellwoods and yes unwrapping plastic wrappers after buying our cigarettes. It’s your mess and therefore your responsibility to clean it up. Its pretty simple.  

3. Think of our city as one of those artistic murals behind the back alleys of Queen West. Don’t you hate it when it is painted over with foreign symbols and sayings that actually ruin the original image. When I see that I often think to myself, “It was so beautiful before the weird little signs got plastered on it”. Much like that mural, our city is beautiful and its becoming less so because people are drawing on this mural and muddying up the essence of the original picture. Don’t be one of those people who paints over a mural. Cherish and add to our great city, not litter and destroy it.   

4. For all those who say, “There is nowhere to throw out my trash”, you are simply not looking hard enough. There are designated garbage bins on almost every corner. However, if you are the person who says, “Well, I’m somewhere where I just cant find one” then my question is, is it so hard to hold on to something or put it neatly in your bag or purse till you find one? Will it kill you to hold to that finished apple for a few minutes till you see a garbage bin? There is never an excuse to litter and deep inside you know it.   

5. The older you get the more you realize that there is no escaping the domino effect that exists in our society. In other words, what you do affects other people. Simply put, littering creates a chain reaction of sorts that disadvantages others. Actions which seem mundane and trivial to you will and does affect other Torontonians. Think about it, you casually leave an unfinished coffee on the seat, that coffee spills and come 4 pm rush hour there is now one less seat on a very crowded bus filled with very tired people coming back from work, school, etc. Not only have you created a mess but you disadvantaged someone (yes, a stranger but nonetheless someone) who now has to stand on a trip from Bathurst and Bloor to Bathurst and Steeles. Being careless, disregarding public space and lack of neatness affects us all, please stop acting like it doesn’t.

Before you assume I’m a tree hugger, know that I don’t define myself as such (not that there's anything wrong with that). I’m just a girl who loves her city and is tired of seeing grown adults forgetting simple lessons of courtesy and respect. A litter free city can truly be, it just takes that little bit of extra energy from us all. Energy that will always be well spent, if you ask me.