The Freedom of Declutterization, the Beauty of Minimalism and the Serenity of Simplicity.

With last week’s Vernal Equinox marking the official first day of spring (listen carefully and you can actually hear Torontonians everywhere rolling their eyes), one can also assume that spring cleaning is too in session. If you think spring cleaning is reserved for the socially inept neat freaks and organized stuck-ups, I want you to think again. What if I told you that there is a direct correlation between having a cluttered, “I can’t find anything!” type room and a scattered, “Was that today?!” mind? More importantly though, holding on to, being unable to organize or part with physical possessions altogether represents one’s emotional inability to let go of the past. Why is it that we have things that we either no longer need or probably would not miss but still have a slight panic attack over the thought of losing? I for example held on to a 1997 purchased dark grey Roots sweatshirt because of the way I felt coming home from Promenade mall and the thought of wearing it to school the next day. The sweatshirt is now long gone but not after 10 years of it being in my closet, taking up space and me refusing to get rid of it. You see, to me it wasn’t just a sweatshirt, it was a metaphor for a bright-eyed girl and the giddiness and youthful idealism that saturated that time in my life. I struggled with not being able to let go of that, the sweatshirt was just my scapegoat. 

Another thing I took pride in “collecting” (that was my ego soothing term for having a room full of outdated newspapers and magazines) was information. If I didn’t finish reading an article I held on to it until I did and as admirable of a trait that may be, the downside was that my room started to resemble a library, except it was filled with stacks of articles that were no longer new or added valuable to my life. When I found myself reading a piece about the possible construction of the Sheppard line after using it to get to Fairview the previous week, I knew that two things needed to happen:

1. I would either make myself read an article from start to finish or
2. If I didn’t, I would not hold on to it and have it take up space in my room and my head and overall become redundant, outdated and no longer relevant.

With that said, I am writing this entry not because I want to echo that voice you heard growing up, “Clean your room! Organize your shit!” but rather because I know the emotional difference in a person who lives in a cluttered space versus an organized one. And just when I think I am the small percentage of people who has ever struggled with throwing out old clothes, used subway passes and 5 year old NOW magazines, I realize I am not (not by a long shot). I continue to meet men and women who hold on to the past through the act of possessing the tangible objects associated with that time. The following list is a 6 step guide and self talk rubric on how to go about decluttering your surroundings, embracing minimalism and the serenity that can exist when you let go of objects and things that no longer serve you.

1. The less stuff you own the less stuff you’ll have to worry about in an event of an accident or a robbery. 

Now, if you read the first point you just went, “There’s no way Karina wrote this because that chick loves stuff”, and I do but I also live by the mantra of quality versus quantity. Some girls take pride in owning 200 pairs of shoes. I for one would be embarrassed to admit that I do and not because I do not love fashion of getting dressed up, but because what would owning 200 pairs of shoes do for me on an emotional or spiritual level? We all like material things and it’s fine to continue to do so but there’s something about walking into a room or a closet that screams, “I love stuff, I am a consumer”, that really rubs me the wrong way. The way I see it, everything must have a purpose. I am no longer interested in having things just for the sake of having them. If it’s no use of me today, at this moment in my life, then why is it taking up space for something that can be? Besides, as the first point states, the truth is, the less stuff you own the less you will have to worry about in an event of an accident or a robbery.

2. Start off gradually and construct a game plan.

If you are someone who is reading this while surrounded by boxes of stuff and a closet that you can barely find anything in and you are overwhelmed by the idea of even starting, I suggest you begin the process gradually. Yes, you heard me correctly, one piece a day and for days you are feeling very strong and have the time, maybe even do a whole half a box. Another useful action would be to write out a simple "day by day/week/month game plan" of what you have done and what still needs tending to. Writing things down will hold you accountable to your own self as to how much you have accomplished. 

Also, do not think for a second, my dear reader, that I woke up one day and just started organizing like mad and had a spotless room within a week. Rather, the process takes months, and for some maybe even a year but I need you to look at the big picture and not the little by little, everyday organizing you will have to do. Even if you start getting rid of one item per day, by the end of the year you would have gotten rid of 365 useless things and freed up who knows how much useful space.

3. Focus on the fact that you are simplifying and bettering your life.

Somewhere down the road we all started buying into the belief that the more stuff we have the better we are. Some know this isn’t true after the fact and some have so many intangible, amazing accomplishments and relationships that they never needed the stuff to begin with. They aren’t surrounded by a sea of boxes, clothes and other useless junk that never made them happy because they have so many other things they focused on: their relationships, careers and emotional and mental growth. All things you will never find in material possessions. With that said, why is letting go of stuff such a big deal anyhow? Just think about all the anxiety and stress this has caused you. Is any of it worth it?

4. Give yourself rewards.

Most child psychologists say that children will do things with more pep in their step if they have incentives or things to look forward to when a task is completed and so why should adults be any different? Not only do you need to address why it’s important for you to declutter but also give yourself rewards (and buying more useless stuff should not be one of them) when you completed a whole box or organized half a closet . I like to get a lot of organizing accomplished before a big concert because that way no matter how boring and redundant the work of purging is, I know there is an actual reward waiting for me in a few days. With that same token, take away rewards (get all Ms./Mr. Discipline on your own self) when you have slacked off and see yourself in the same cluttered room you were in 6 months ago. 

Another thing to keep in mind is the amount of things you can donate or sell when you are done. It’s truly a win-win situation because you'll have peace of mind, more space and maybe even make some extra bucks. 

5. You will survive the purging, trust me. 

Just like the people who survived Stalingrad you too will survive the, “what seems like Stalingrad”, task of purging that which you no longer need. As someone who would feel little sprouts anxiety over throwing out her, what seemed like precious NOW magazines, trust me when I tell that you too can do this. Stay calm, stay focused and remind yourself that this is small fries compared to what the people of Stalingrad went through.

6. Stop associating physical objects with your emotions and memories.

This last point is probably the one you should copy, paste, print and have it plastered somewhere while you are decluttering and you come across something and a little voice says, “Oh no, I definitely need that.” I said the same thing about clothes I forgot I had/hadn't worn in years but had great moments in. What I realized is that moving on (truly moving on) from the past is imperative to growth. Going forward and no longer thinking of past good times is the way to have even greater future times. My dear hoarder, clutterer, collector of anything and everything, you need to move on and stop owning things you no longer use but somehow contributed to a great memory in your life. The truth is, you will still have those memories. The memories, moments and objects that defined that relationship, friendship or the road trip of 2005 already exist within you, no need for material reminders. Remember, you are not your possessions. Repeat, you are not your possessions. Understand that if tomorrow somehow you lost every little thing you would still be alive and well. Perhaps that which you cannot part with is tied to your past, but make no mistake, they do not make your future. If anything, maybe they act as a metaphorical barrier to all that you deprive yourself of in the present because of the pull you feel from them from your past. 

The truth is, most of us live somewhere in the grey nuances of being full blown hoarders; maybe you just have more space or are better at hiding it. Above all, letting go of material possessions is a direct link to letting go of personal grievances. The bottom line is this: Get rid of old shit. Move on. Embrace the future and the beauty of minimalism.

How to Stay In the Friend Zone/How to Tell If You Are In It

It has come to my attention that Internet land is saturated with helpful advice and interesting tidbits on how to win over your crush, aka- get out of the supposedly dreaded “friend zone”. What is missing however is a guide on how to remain in that platonic space of dutch dinners and only getting breakfast together because one of you passed out (fully clothed of course) from a night of video games and drinking and the other didn’t have the heart to wake you up and kick you out. Feel free to also use this guide to decode whether or not someone likes you by making note if they repeatedly do the opposite of the points listed below. 

1. Keep your vocabulary friendly but formal and casual. 

As somebody who has always had a fascination with words, meanings and their symbolic expressions, I just can't help but see a drastic difference between the tone, word usage and even mannerisms between someone who is talking to somebody they are into versus a friend or an acquaintance. The latter will have a friendly tone but lack that intimate dimension. Someone who likes you (perhaps unconsciously) will say things like, “I wanna see you” or, “Let's set a date.” Somebody who only wants to be your friend wants to remain casual and nothing is more casual than referring to seeing each other as mere “hang outs”. Like somebody who is always referring to spending time with you as, "hanging out"? Time to get slightly worried.

Be mindful of also not using terms like, “us” or “we”. There is something so intimate about referring to yourself and somebody else as a “we” or an “us’. Lack thereof is an unconscious marker that they want you both to remain as two distinct bodies; “you and I” not “we”. 

2. Don’t be "touchy feely". 

In my experience, boys who I am into I want to touch and be playful with. The boys I am not attracted to I do not touch, be it their face or the granddaddy of all romantic gestures: simply holding their hand for no apparent reason except that I want to. If you ever sit at a bar and make note of the dynamics between the women and men conversing you can almost always see who is together and who is just “hanging out”. Two people who are into each other will be touching, even if their hands are just slightly brushing up against each other as they talk. When you lack that sexual chemistry there is just no longing to touch them. 

Another marker of whether or not they like you is how brief their hugs are when they see you. Are their hugs friendly but quick or do they resemble more of an embrace? When you like someone, a "hey, how are you" hug is another opportunity to touch them, be close to them and most often you will want that moment to last; maybe even take it as an opportunity to smell their hair (“Hmm, I wonder which shampoo he uses..." Okay, you can get creeped out now). So if your crush’s hug lasts no more than 3 seconds, hate to say it but you sir (or madam) are probably in the friend zone.  

3. Talk about other guys or girls you are interested in. 

Think about it, when you are interested in somebody would you ever bring up that hot blonde across the bar or make note of the lead singer? No you wouldn’t. Why? Well, for starters you wouldn’t want them to feel as if there are others pinning for your attention and most importantly, you would want them to know it is them you want, not the hot blonde or the lead singer. When you just want to be friends you openly and casually talk about other people you are interested in because hey, that’s what friends do. And the best part, nobody feels jealous or torn up by it. Want to see if a friend likes you? Just watch their facial expressions when you tell them about the girl you met and spent 2 hours talking to last night at Bovine. If she doesn't flinch and is genuinely happy for you then its time to wake up and smell the Jägermeister. You know why? Because it's friend zone time! 

4. Always hang out within a group setting. 

When you like someone you want to spend time together one-on-one. Like a girl but only see her within a group hang out? Okay, there is still hope. Like a girl but she has denied any get together where it would only be the two of you? You are in the friend zone, sorry bud. 

5. Don't follow-up.

I have left the biggest marker of whether or not you are merely a friend or a romantic potential by the rule of what I like to refer to as, “did they follow-up?” Have you asked to see each other (one-on-one) and they replied with, “I’m really busy with my blog these days”? Okay, no big deal, there is still hope. Hey, the girl's gotta blog, right? Have you asked them to see each other, they said they were busy and never followed up with “This week is not good but I’m free next Thursday”? Yeah, I think you sir have been friend-ed. Realize, someone who likes you will make the time to see you. If there is no follow-up or better yet if you are the one always initiating (and getting turned down) then maybe they are not into you, bro/girl. Actually, I’m pretty certain they are not. How do I know? Well, as someone who has a job, writes a blog and can be found lurking on Queen West on any given weekend, let me be clear that when I meet someone I like I make the time. No excuses. And I’d like to think every other living and breathing person is the same way. 

If you read this and your heart sank just a little deeper with each point, well, dear reader, my advice to you is to remain exactly where you are: in the friend zone. The truth is, somebody who sees your romantic potential, somebody who wants you makes it be known whether it is done directly or through awkward and nervous gestures. Realize that some people are meant to be only your friends and not because the universe is unfair but because usually there is somebody else better suited for you just waiting to meet you. Somebody who wont make you read blogs and decode whether they want you or not.