Yesterday was an interesting day for me. I was involved in my first ever Facebook comment backlash (see: got my first ever verbal beat down like my name was Mike). Mind you I have had my share of debates on threads but this was different. It consisted of folks I've never met, a few I knew casually and even some I've raised beer glasses with that I watched "like" comments that put me down, insulted me and did it in such a hateful manner that I deleted the post altogether (yes, me doing so might be misread that they won and I lost but my sanity is more important than my pride and besides ain't nobody got time for a hateful thread when you are trying to re-elect a federal representative). It was tough, it was hurtful but above all, it was kinda disturbing.
It was disturbing to see grown adults make comment after comment about how wrong I was, how silly my comment was, how dumb I was for suggesting such a thing but it was also fascinating how they came in droves (the hatemobile was packed that day, my friends). At the rate that my Facebook was giving me alert updates you would think I would have posted a naked throwback photo but alas no, just a comment that others did not care for. You would think just one would say, "She got the point, we can stop now" but no, comment after comment came; figurative slap after slap was committed and another example of mob mentality and bandwagon hating was put next to the thousand of other examples that exist everyday. Yesterday was my day. Lucky me.
As I mentioned they came in droves and most bandwagon hating does. It's interesting how ideas get stuck and become your own and you start to express as your own even if they are not. Same thing happens with positive things too. Show me a female that Boy A thought was slightly above average looking and watch how fast he will change his mind about her when Boys B-H categorize her as "Super hot." I imagine the same thing happens with online hating. You notice a comment, think to yourself, "Hmm, what an out there comment but maybe this chick has a point." 10 people disagree with her and before you know it you are right there in the mud with the others.
You can say I asked for it by posting a comment on a public event page seen by everyone who had access to it but did I really? Am I not allowed to make a comment that I know goes against the popular norm in a respectful manner without getting hated on?
Before you roll your eyes let me be clear, this is not a "woe is me" piece, nor is it a "poor me" piece but rather it is a "poor we/us" piece. I hate to point out the absolute obvious but we love putting others down. And I don't mean we get off on seeing someone in an uncomfortable spot, but we genuinely have gotten in the habit of making others feel less than. Have you met your putting-others-down quota today? No, not yet? Better get to work, junior.
Though I didn't see them, I'm sure some were salivating that I was getting a verbal beating. Strong girl who thinks she can comment as she pleases? Not on my watch, little girl! Even now I think back to some of the comments and I think, did that actually happen? For my idealistic heart I'm gonna assume it didn't. I wanna rewrite the past and I wanna imagine that somebody (even if they disagreed with me) came to my side and at the very least said, "Guys, chillax, agree to disagree." I'm gonna assume that the world is still filled with gentlemen who didn't feel comfortable bashing a girl when others were already doing that for them. I know you are out there gentlemen, even if you were silent during the thread.
Speaking of gender, perhaps our expectations of females has only changed on the surface. Maybe we still think big mouth Russian girls should know their place and not speak up when it is in regards to seemingly powerful men who have droves of people waiting to jump to their defense if she ever forgets where she stands. Or maybe we just don't like expressive people altogether? Or maybe we've become the culture of "You're wrong, I'm right," to keep us all in line. Break down every original thought we ever had so the only thing that exists is the status-quo.
Speaking of gender, perhaps our expectations of females has only changed on the surface. Maybe we still think big mouth Russian girls should know their place and not speak up when it is in regards to seemingly powerful men who have droves of people waiting to jump to their defense if she ever forgets where she stands. Or maybe we just don't like expressive people altogether? Or maybe we've become the culture of "You're wrong, I'm right," to keep us all in line. Break down every original thought we ever had so the only thing that exists is the status-quo.
A positive did come out this though, I gained a new level of empathy. Now I know how Drake feels. Hell, now I know how everyone who has ever been criticized online by strangers, by so called friends has felt. Should I not have made my comment? Perhaps. But if you are delivering in a respectful manner then shouldn't you get the same in return?
Or maybe yesterday was a social experiment; my way of identifying those who got no love for ol' Karinie. Were you liking statuses that put me down? Sorry bud but I may not be so friendly next time I see you.
If I can give you just one takeaway from my experience it is that if you must disagree, do it in a way that doesn't make the other person feel less than. If you see a group hating on one person in a way that goes beyond the subject at hand, point it out, be a hero and say something. Am I being too idealistic again?
It's so easy to get lost in a hateful thread and hell maybe its even fun signaling someone out because you disagree with them but if 10 other people have already done the work for you why beat a dead horse when its already kicked? Why beat a horse at all?
It's so easy to get lost in a hateful thread and hell maybe its even fun signaling someone out because you disagree with them but if 10 other people have already done the work for you why beat a dead horse when its already kicked? Why beat a horse at all?
It is much too easy to be anonymous on the social network, and let your hate flourish. These people would not say boo to you, if they were in the same room.
ReplyDeleteFor what it is worth, I think opinionated, independent and strong women are to be respected. Also they are admirable, desirable and so very sexy!