When I was growing up, my mom’s favourite thing to say to me was (insert Russian lady accent here) “Karina, tell me who your friends are, and I’ll tell you who you are.” Like clockwork, I’d roll my eyes and answer (insert little girl Russian accent here), “Okay, mom.” while every fiber of my being had to contain myself from yelling, “You are wrong!” Instead I would just always nod my head and smile. I refused to believe that there was such a thing as, guilty by association. How could there be? Aren't we all individuals with our own quirks and characteristics? Also, I didn't believe that someone else's bad habits can become my bad habits just because I spent considerable time with them. That's crazy talk, I thought.
For instance, I considered myself entirely different from my teenage best girlfriends (never mind that any given day you could see us all rockin’ the same Le Chateau flairs in midnight blue). What my mom preached to me was complete nonsense I thought. Just because I was dating a guy who dabbled in a little coco here and there, didn’t mean I went near it. That went without saying, right? Right?! Everything my mom preached made no sense until I grew up and realized that who you surround yourself with is a mirror of what you value, who you value and (shocker) how much you value yourself. Below are 4 friends who may not be allowing you to get your life to the next level.
The always heartbroken, always broke, always unhappy friend.
I’ve always been told I am a natural nurturer (damn Cancers,
all caring and shit) and thus most people gravitate to open up to me.
Maybe I seem like somebody who wants to hear them and once upon a time I did until
I realized that it’s draining to be friends with someone you have to be
a life coach too. I mean, most days I’m busy playing life coach to this ol’
girl and some days working overtime as head life coach. Don’t get me wrong, if you are a close
girlfriend or guy friend and ring me up at 3 am to tell me how Boy D or Girl P broke your
heart, 99% chance I’ll spend the rest of the night consoling you and telling
you how hot you are and that they didn’t deserve you in the first place. Why? Because
that’s what good friends do but if this is a weekly thing, then we may have a slight problem. See, you might think I’m just reaching but some folks actually get off
on being unhappy. It’s an identity they carved out for themselves and no amount
of life coaching can help them because the truth is, they don’t want help, they
don’t want change. They like being the always heartbroken, always broke, always
unhappy soul that they claim to be. If they didn’t they wouldn’t be ringing
you up every Friday like clockwork telling you the same ol’ story. Instead
they’d be bettering themselves. The sad part is, if you continue to roll with
this friend, it wont be long till you might end up being heartbroken, broke and
ultimately, unhappy.
The always takes, seldom gives friend
I’m
the kind of girl that notices when a friend buys me a
drink. It’s a little thing, I know, but how could one not notice when
there is a
new, delicious drink in your hand (my fav double lime too) and I
haven’t
even opened up me new Rebecca Minkoff wristlet? Vodka crans don’t just pop up
out of
thin air, right? Hmm, wouldn’t it be awesome if they did though? Okay,
were
getting off topic. But yes I always notice when a friend treats me
because the
truth is, it feels nice to be treated but you know what else feels nice, to
repay the favour; to make that friend feel appreciated. And I know some of you
are judging and are ready to jump on
this with a “Why do I need to repay a nice gesture when I didn’t ask for
it in
the first place?” and I understand where you are coming from however,
in my friend role book, if you are a person of integrity, you have a
genuine
desire to treat those who treat you. This can be applied to many
different
scenarios. Case in point, if you are going to take, give back as well.
Don't want or cannot give back, then do not accept and take, it's just
that simple bro.
The “this wont work, that’s a dumb idea” friend.
If you know me personally then you know that much like
myself, I love outspoken people. Loud, tell you how it is, straight, no chaser
kind of folk. We need people like that in our lives to tell us when we could be
hitting up Bovine just a little too often, dating a douche or douchette or just
not acting right. However, there is a fine line between being that well meaning friend and the always-bringing-you-down-friend.
For instance, in the summer of 2014 while planning my
milestone bday concert, I decided that I wanted to dive head first into concert
promoting. I knew it would come off as a little bit of a shock to some because
well, just because you are a staple in the Toronto
concert scene, doesn’t mean you know a thing about promoting concerts. Luckily
I did and do but not everyone felt that way. I will never forget how it felt
telling one of my then close guy friends that I was going to do my first show
and how excited I was. He wasn’t excited for me though. He actually told me I didn’t
have what it takes to succeed in it and that I was wasting my time even trying.
“But I have to at least try. That’s the kind of person I am…” I tearfully typed
out to him on FB chat. He broke my heart that day. Not because of what he said
but because I knew right there and then that he wasn’t a real friend.
Appreciate those that believe in your big dreams as much as you do and most
importantly, cherish those that see the hidden talents that you possess. Your
real friends think you’re fuckin’ amazing
and know you can do anything you put your mind to.
The secretly wants to see you fail friend.
This is quite possibly the hardest friend to cut loose. Why?
Because you probably have known them for years. Hell, he or she might have
slept over the night before. You may have even hit the bars together twice last week
cruising for dudes/chicks. See, the painful truth is (and this is years of
scientific proof speaking at you) very few people actually and sincerely
want you to do well and become the biggest and brightest version of you. It
gets better, 90% of those folks are your blood family that actually have a
serious stake in your life as your success means they didn’t do so bad after
all. Yes, this is a hard pill to swallow but its not that most people don’t want
you to do well, they just don’t you to do better than they are doing. Sure jealousy
is part of the human experience but if you have a friend that rarely congratulates
you, secretly smiles when you fail, doesn’t come out to support you and you
overall have always felt that something was off, look into that and don’t just
categorize it as nonsense. Real friends have a genuine desire to see you happy,
healthy and thriving.
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