The Glorification of Starting Anew, the Hype of Letting Go and the Myth of the Bigger and Better Life.

Frank Sinatra sang that “the best is yet to come” and it is this motto that I looked to when things in my present life were not going as planned. “Things will get better and down the road everything will resolve itself”, I told myself (not sure if you have noticed but pep talks come as second nature to me). The irony of course is that I would look back on those not-so-great times and later realize that the situations and people that I allowed to get to me down did not then and do not now make or break my life. Why did I long for discovering a future treasure of gold and riches when I already possessed some invaluable diamonds and pearls under my very own bed? All I had to do was look under and see them; gleaming brightly at me. No need to wish for a bigger and better life and a fresh start altogether because the life I was living was already pretty damn great.  Too bad I did not see that then.

With that said, it has become a bit of a trend for people (usually in their mid-late 20s and early 30s) to take great, big leaps and make drastic changes with their lives. In some social circles it is encouraged even. Come New Years you are to make monumental changes and those who stay in the same place are chastened. Been with the same company for 5 years (never mind that you are literally a few promotions away from that big title)? Wow, you need to change that. Been with the same person for 4 years and the spark is not what it was? Listen, you need to move on and get yourself on a dating website. I’m here to tell you that sometimes it is best to stay exactly where you are. Don’t misunderstand, I’m not advocating for complacency and non-growth but sometimes, it really is as good as it gets. Too often we don’t see that which we long to chase is less than what we already have; that which we already possess (no chase necessary). 

I can look back on my own life and remember when I was 15 and wanted a new social circle. I said goodbye to all my old childhoods friends and knew (just knew) that there were cooler, more interesting and fun friends out there for me to meet. I look back now and with hindsight I see that the friends I thought were not as cool, were some of the most intelligent, fun and above all, accepting of me, individuals I would meet in the next 5 years of my life. I rid myself of them thinking they were stunning my growth and popularity (teenagers are superficial like that) but little did I know that them in my life only added to my sanity and maturity and lack thereof did the opposite 

Still not convinced that sometimes starting anew may cause more harm than good? Think of the role of antibiotics, they kill everything- the good and not so good stuff. When starting your life from scratch and letting go of all that is tied to “the past” it is important to not sever relations that actually added to your growth and added to your life. In other words, when ridding your life of good people and less than perfect relationships for the dream of something better, ask yourself: is it worth to forgo all that for something that may never come.

Reinventing yourself and starting a new life is good in theory but sometimes the new road does not necessarily lead to bigger and better things. Sometimes there is no better job and the one that pays more may leave you less fulfilled. Sometimes, the partner you dumped (presumably because you thought there were more fish in the sea) was really a tropical mermaid which you were lucky enough to find once. Second time around you may not be so lucky.

Think of people playing a game of poker and thinking that their better hand is always coming up. Some eventually do get a better hand and eventually really cash in but others continue to play when they should have stopped a while ago; when they got a hand as good as they will ever get a few rounds ago. The best never came and they were probably as rich as they were ever going to be when they entered that game.  

Why do I have a still image of Elizabeth Taylor as Cleopatra as the picture for this post? Besides that this film was playing in the background of my blog launch in August and is one of my favorites, I think there are many important lessons found within that movie. I cant help but feel that much like other great historical figures, Cleopatra and Mark Anthony contributed to their own demise. It was the insatiable need for the bigger and better deal, for more riches and excess that lead them to their death. Had their egos been checked and they came to the realization that what they already possessed was enough (no need for more land and titles) than maybe fate would have been kinder to them both.

We need to realize that sometimes, it really is as good as it gets. Sometimes the partners we have are as good as they come. Still feel a sense of entitlement to have or better yet, long for that bigger and better deal? Well, it may never come and the worse part, it may one day and you will open it up and ask yourself, “This is it?!” Sometimes, the grass is not greener on the other side. The irony though is that we must step on it to realize that our grass, the one we got tired of stepping on and caring for, was much more luscious. This one only looked greener from far away. Now while on it, we long for that which we had and see without a shadow of a doubt that our grass was the greener one of the two.

This piece is not to invoke in you feelings of regret or self-loathing, but rather it is my open call, an urge even, for you to appreciate what and who you have now. Go chase your dreams, do take risks but also take some time and see if maybe (just maybe) all you need you already have. Maybe your present self is as beautiful, talented and clever as you will ever be. Maybe the best is not yet to come but is now. Right now, in the present life you are living. No need to start anew.

Ramblings…errr…Confessions Of An Anti-Litter Advocate/5 Reasons It Is Never Okay To Litter.

“Hey, mind if we stop for a minute so I can buy some smokes,” he says to me as he is about to park. 
“Sure.”
“Want anything?”
“Nah, I’m good.”

I take the roughly 3 minutes he is gone to reapply my lip gloss and glance in the mirror. I’m excited for what the evening may entail but those giddy feelings come to a halt when I see him exit the convenience store, unwrap his cigarettes and carelessly throw the plastic wrapping four steps away from the garbage bin by the door. For me, the date is over. Right there, right then. Now, before you call me a self-righteous, nitpicker, hear me out. There is something about someone who litters that I really cannot stand. Simply, I think it speaks volumes about the person’s character. I always think to myself, if someone mistreats Mother Earth than how do they treat their fellow man and woman; how would they treat me? If someone is nonchalant about the state of the city streets they walk and drive by, then how are they in relationships? If someone is unconscious and does not see that what they do affects others, than how can they possibly contribute to my growth and make me a better version of myself? Is it those reasons, I never saw the guy again.

With that said, I consider myself a pretty laid back person but there is one thing that makes this cool cucumber turn spicy, red jalapeno and that is (you guessed it), littering. But not just littering, littering on Toronto’s historic streets. Littering on TTC buses that everyday take roughly 2.5 million people to and where they need to go. Above all though, littering when there are garbage and recycling bins almost everywhere you look. Why do people do it anyways? Is it laziness? Is it lack of consideration towards others and the planet we call home? Should I take a chill pill and stop being so judgmental and stop viewing littering as a deal breaker? Perhaps but there is something about a grown adult throwing out waste on a street he or she shares with the rest of us that really rubs me the wrong way. If you are still unsure why littering is such a big deal and how it affects others, without further ado, my reasons for why it is never okay to litter:

1. It makes our great, big city look unkept. I’ve heard visiting New Yorkers say, “I feel like I’m home, except the streets are a lot cleaner.” Statistics Canada reports that roughly 21 million people visit Toronto every year, lets keep it that way. Ever heard the quote, “Tell me who your friends are and I’ll tell you who you are”. Well, if that is true than the same can be said about our streets. Tell me how a city’s street looks like and I’ll tell you who are the people who inhabit this city. Let’s represent Toronto and ourselves accurately. With littered streets, we don’t do that. 

2. As children we are told to clean up after ourselves and so why stop as adults? Let this little rule our moms told us be remembered when we are out wandering the streets, enjoying picnics at Trinity Bellwoods and yes unwrapping plastic wrappers after buying our cigarettes. It’s your mess and therefore your responsibility to clean it up. Its pretty simple.  

3. Think of our city as one of those artistic murals behind the back alleys of Queen West. Don’t you hate it when it is painted over with foreign symbols and sayings that actually ruin the original image. When I see that I often think to myself, “It was so beautiful before the weird little signs got plastered on it”. Much like that mural, our city is beautiful and its becoming less so because people are drawing on this mural and muddying up the essence of the original picture. Don’t be one of those people who paints over a mural. Cherish and add to our great city, not litter and destroy it.   

4. For all those who say, “There is nowhere to throw out my trash”, you are simply not looking hard enough. There are designated garbage bins on almost every corner. However, if you are the person who says, “Well, I’m somewhere where I just cant find one” then my question is, is it so hard to hold on to something or put it neatly in your bag or purse till you find one? Will it kill you to hold to that finished apple for a few minutes till you see a garbage bin? There is never an excuse to litter and deep inside you know it.   

5. The older you get the more you realize that there is no escaping the domino effect that exists in our society. In other words, what you do affects other people. Simply put, littering creates a chain reaction of sorts that disadvantages others. Actions which seem mundane and trivial to you will and does affect other Torontonians. Think about it, you casually leave an unfinished coffee on the seat, that coffee spills and come 4 pm rush hour there is now one less seat on a very crowded bus filled with very tired people coming back from work, school, etc. Not only have you created a mess but you disadvantaged someone (yes, a stranger but nonetheless someone) who now has to stand on a trip from Bathurst and Bloor to Bathurst and Steeles. Being careless, disregarding public space and lack of neatness affects us all, please stop acting like it doesn’t.

Before you assume I’m a tree hugger, know that I don’t define myself as such (not that there's anything wrong with that). I’m just a girl who loves her city and is tired of seeing grown adults forgetting simple lessons of courtesy and respect. A litter free city can truly be, it just takes that little bit of extra energy from us all. Energy that will always be well spent, if you ask me.

5 Ways to Make and Keep Your New Year's Resolutions

Making New Year's resolutions has become a habit entrenched in Western culture. An activity of sorts that has become synonymous with champagne and 10 second countdowns. All part of our quest to better ourselves and build richer lives but how many of us not only keep them, but see them materialize to the fullest? Below are 5 ways that have helped me not only make, but more importantly, keep my New Year's resolutions. 

Get honest.

It’s important to be brutally honest (this may hurt a bit) about what matters to you and what will truly make you happy. Self reflection and a whole day with yourself is a good place to start. Perhaps you do not go through with resolutions because you set goals that you are not that passionate about. Get honest with yourself, what do you value? What is on your "must do before I die" list? What is of utmost priority in your life? Your partner, your family and your friends may want this and that for you but do you want? If getting a toned tummy or getting ahead at work are goals that you don’t care that much about, then why put them on your resolutions list? Concentrate on what truly matters and what will happy you (not anyone else) happy. If you dread doing it and are not tingling with excitement when you dream about it, then it is not for you. 

Get real.

Setting realistic expectations is advised to us every year but what is so exciting what setting mediocre goals? I suggest forming at least one goal this year that seems really out there (for me last year it was creating my own blog); however, it is important to know your strengths and weaknesses (both mentally, emotionally and physically). Declaring to enter a competitive body fitness competition by the end of Spring when you haven’t set foot in a gym for years is unrealistic. Making a specific fitness goals and workout schedules for the next two months and then evaluating where you are and how to get to the next big goal; however, is. Baby steps lead to big leaps and subsequently, big results.

Also, if you are not ready this year for that big, great goal you have always wanted to fulfill then save it for next year. Be realistic in what you can actually achieve this year. If you know that are not mentally, emotionally, physically and above all, do not have the time to fulfill that certain goal than set your sights on something you will actually carry through with. However, keep in mind, nobody wants to be around that guy or girl who says, “I’ll do it next year”, every year. Do patient with yourself and what you can do but know, you don’t have all the time in the world.  

Get specific.

It’s really easy to set big (yet undefined) goals. Many people start off the year with the proclamation that they want a better job but exactly does that mean? Being specific about what you atually want is much like building a house. What kind of bricks do you want? What kind of floor do you want your feet to walk on everyday? Just simply saying, “I want to build a house”, is a colossal endeavour which (if you are not specific) may lead to a colossal disappointment.

One also needs to be specific about the time frame of when they want to fulfill certain goals. In December 2012, when I knew that 2013 was going to be the year that I would launch my blog, I made it a point to set a specific date for when that would be. I did not say, “Sometime in 2013”, rather, I looked at my 2013 calendar and put a big red dot on Saturday, August 31^st 2013 and the rest as they say, is history. 

Get visual.

The first week of January is always the best for New Year’ resolutions because that is when you are the most excited about everything you want to fulfill. As time goes by that sense of giddiness dilutes and come March some of us forget altogether what we wanted and planned for in January. Writing things down on an actual piece of paper (you guys remember what that is right?) is the best way to a) not forget exactly what you want b) measure what you have already done and what still needs your attention and c) hold yourself accountable for the goals you set out months. Actually writing goals down, routinely reviewing and perhaps even adding to them as time goes by, will work as a constant reminder of what you set out for yourself in January. If you want to get really serious, I also suggest leaving little notes, quotes of inspiration (visual stimulants as I call them) on your mirror or bedside table to remind yourself what you truly want, what really matters.  

Get off your tush.

“A goal without action is just a wish”, is as a cliché saying as it gets but it’s also as real of a saying as it gets. Being honest about what you want, setting realistic and specific timelines for goals, and adorning your room with every motivational quote you can find will mean nothing if you don’t put in the work. Dedicating time, energy and resources to a goal is the way to opening up that journal in December 2014 and saying, “I did what I said I would”.

A happy, healthy and productive year to you all!

New Year’s Resolutions; Mine Tend To Be The Same.

Every New Year I make a two-fold resolution:

1. To have a bigger and better year than the previous and

2. To not wish this year for who and what I did last year.

Both resolutions stem from my desire to move on from things and people that no longer fulfill me or are counterproductive to my life. It’s a tough one because if you know me personally you know that I have a hard time letting things be and moving on to the next thing. Rather, I will stay in situations (usually more than I need to) and analyze, ponder and brainstorm why things did not pan out the way I wanted them out. Like a mad scientist I will write out mathematical formulations and create a number of hypotheses for why E did not equal MC2. In other words, why did things not go according to plan (see: my plan)? Why was there no follow up to the connection I thought was so obvious and abundant? Why did that friendship not materialize?

Yes, to stop being that way is my New Year’s resolution.

In a way the surprise and frustration I feel when things do not go my way is a testament to the persistence and idealism that my character is saturated in. Even more surprising is my reaction to the end of relationships and friendships I truly put effort in. But the kicker however, is when I am deliberately not given closure to things I feel I am entitled to (see: think I am entitled to). I’m not sure if it has become abundantly clear but to me communication and self-expression is not a habit I just have (an annoying little habit some will say) but rather it’s a way of life. To leave a situation and not say everything I need to? Um, people actually do that? To have a fight with someone and not express exactly how (I think) they are at fault? I’m sorry but this motherboard cannot process such an action.

With that said, I’m not sure if it is a blessing or a curse (or a combination of both to give my life that little extra pinch of spice) but to me communication is like food; without it I cannot be. During an argument or a misunderstanding with someone, communication becomes even more necessary; it becomes like water. A must for me to not feel dizzy and confused in a dry desert of emotions. I also like to have my life organized and my relationships compartmentalized (metal organization as I call it). The whole idea of just letting things be (unorganized, undefined, unsolved) actually makes me uncomfortable.

Why am I like this you ask? Do I lack pride and measure my worth in the amount of friends I can win over and resolve things with? Not at all. See, my thing is: the sooner two people actually talk, the sooner the little know-it-all voices in our heads that talk for the other person (as if they know what they are thinking) get silenced. By that I mean, too often, when communication is not given to us we create this fictional story of what they are feeling, what they must be thinking, and many times it is not accurate to say the least.

Needless to say it is not easy being the person trying to fix and mend relationships (even when it is you who should be apologized and reached out to) and so this year I am moving on from this need and adapting a more carefree attitude towards resolution. I know that if resolution does not come to me then I am still going to be alive and well and so why act like lack thereof is some kind of a horrible punishment bestowed upon me. If anything, maybe I need to learn and in the process teach those who are too familiar with this need, that I am no longer going to be girl who will run after them yelling and pleading, “I know you want to fix this as much as I do”.

This New Year my goal is to hang up my mad scientist lab coat and no longer try to revive, fix, repair and mend situations where I am the only one trying. I am done being the only scientist working overtime in an empty lab. If a friendship is on life support, my life will not be in disarray and I will no longer spend my days brainstorming ways on how to fix it. I will no longer use excuses such as “Oh, maybe they don’t know how to approach me…Maybe they don’t know what to say. Shes not very good with words to begin with. I need to contact her, I’m sure she’s sorry.”

This New Year I am going to let people be. I am going to get comfortable with the undefined and the unresolved. If a conflict arises, let them come to me and if they never do, well, then they never do.

Be brave and strong enough to leave relationships undefined. 

Maybe not everything needs to be mended, explained, and straightened out.

I will definitely try to remember my own words next time I have a need to pick up a phone or log into my Facebook to resolve something where I am the only one trying to.

Friendships, Conflict and the Strength of Proverbial Bridges.

A tiffy with a co-worker (nothing serious) ended with an epiphany (most days should). When it was all said and done and we exchanged our, “Hope you are not mad at me”, “Oh no, hope you are not mad at me”, I realized something. We have uncomfortable sit downs with those we actually care about. Think about it, when something goes unresolved it leaves little holes of resentment that eventually ruin blankets of friendships; however, those we truly want to keep around we confront things about. In other words, unconsciously we do not want those pockets of unresolved issues to grow larger and more tattered. In regards to my co-worker, I feel I can express myself to her (and her to me) because at the heart of it, I actually really like this person and therefore I feel I can be honest and expressive. Think about it, aren’t your most closest friendships filled with friendly teasing and at times heated debates? Of course they are. It is those we want to keep at an arm's distance and don’t really want to get to know that we smile and nod even though our hearts and brains want to act otherwise. Why cause conflict with someone you don’t care about, right? Not worth the energy, right? It is those we truly like and want resolution and understanding with that we come (above all, take the time and spend energy on) and say, “Hey, that thing the other day rubbed me the wrong way. Lets talk”. Why do that with somebody who you don’t care about? You wont. Not only will you not burn that bridge but above all, there is no bridge to burn. Its all just one big illusionary bridge. Its not really there and above all if you ever step on it, you fall right through. Much like the friendship, there is no real foundation to it.

With that said, the whole proverbial concept of burning bridges is an underrated one and let me tell you why. It's not that I like having conflict with those in my life but rather I like to know exactly how strong a bridge I have with someone is and no test was ever as revealing as your first real argument . Sometimes testing proverbial bridges (however unpleasant) is a necessary action to determine who you have a strong foundation with; which bridges are truly solid enough to run through. Or, who will throw you a life jacket (ego and frustration aside) if others bridges you thought were real turn out to be illusions and you find yourself swimming in unfriendly waters. 

On that note, can immensely strong bridges (see: true friendships) ever truly be burnt and left with no trace? I don't think so. They might get tattered a bit but only illusionary bridges ever disappear. See, I rather have a few select, strong sturdy ones that will be able to hold me and all the shit I may have to cross with one day than look around and see bridge after bridge but know deep inside that if I ever do cross any of them I will fall right through.

Next time someone comes to you with something unplesasant and you get all, “Why is this conversation happening?” take a minute and try to remember my words: we fight, resolve conflict and keep trying with only those we truly want to keep around.  Those who have not said one ill word to you or have never expressed any form of disappointment probably don’t care enough to do so.

Shit New Agers Say

Anyone who knows me knows that I am all about the positive life but not if it means glossing over situations with rainbows and clichés that do not apply to the real world. The following are phrases I hear on the daily. Someone please, make it stop!

“Time is an illusion.”

It is? So you are saying I can show up to work 30 minutes late or make a friend wait for an hour and there will be absolutely no repercussions? Amazing, what an easy going life I have been depriving myself of! To those new to the blog (welcome, dear friend) this is me being sarcastic. See, I have a problem with thinking that there is an infinite amount of time to do whatever you like. Some of the most successful people I know set specific timelines and mental due dates with goals they want to achieve. Living your life with no concrete deadlines is easier (wont argue there) but how productive can you be? Lets get something straight; you don’t have an infinite amount of time. Even if you are a believer in reincarnation and think you will come back over and over to do the things you really want to, shouldn't you still make this lifetime count? Shouldn’t you still view time (your time) as precious? One of the worst things is to assume that you will have more time and more chances to do everything you ever wanted. Time is not an illusion. Rather, it is very real.

“Don’t have expectations.”

If you are a past reader then you know that I devoted a whole post  to how I think expectations get a bad rep. What’s so wrong with having standards that you and those around need to live up to? What's so demanding about having an expected way of how you want to be treated? The truth is, we all have expectations (whether we want to admit it or not); however, what you expect from others should also be expected from yourself. Expecting to be treated with respect and kindness, I’m guilty of that one. Maybe you should be too.

“Give Everyone the Benefit of the Doubt.”

In theory, this mantra sounds really nice. Believe and trust all. Never mind gut feelings, reputations and little things your subconscious picks up and transmits to your conscious, right? Wrong. Trust is earned, not given on a silver platter to everyone and anyone we meet. Same goes for yourself. Want to be trusted and liked? Make sure your actions and words correlate.

“Don’t judge anyone.”

I’d like to think that when someone sees me doing my best impression of one of the girls from “Rock of Love”, they don’t judge right then and there but rather they take a few minutes, talk to me, get to know me and then judge me. Judge me by my words and actions because quite honestly, what else do you have to go by? The truth is, you should judge people when you see patterns and consecutive actions. Give people chances to redeem themselves but hold them accountable for repeated mistakes. If you ever see me act up, be a pal, make me take ownership and please judge me when I fail to do so.

 “Don’t take anything personally.”

This particular mantra I hear the most. In theory I like it because once again it makes one leave a situation guilt free. Boyfriend or girlfriend broke up with you? Don't take it personally, its their demons working away! Friend deleted you off Facebook? Who cares, they are probably going through their stuff anyway! Not my fault! Right? Wrong. Sometimes it is really is you and in order to fix the situation you must first admit that indeed you screwed up. Living your life by the “It's not me, it's them/you” belief will only work as a distraction from you taking responsibility for your mistakes. Remember that part about taking ownership for your actions? Well, how can you if it truly is never your fault?

If you never ever take anything personally you are also denying yourself emotional and mental growth because in order for that to occur we must first admit our mistakes and change our patterns. We do screw up and sometimes it truly is us and therefore sometimes it really is personal. The faster you can sit down and ask yourself, “Maybe it is me? Maybe they are merely reacting to my mistake?”, the faster you can apologize, learn and be on your merry way. Sometimes it really is you.

(Unresolved) Family Drama = Future Relationship Drama

Being the wannabe sociologist that I am, I sometimes look at contrasting groups of people in my life and think to myself, “Why does group X not behave or react to things the way group Y does?” For instance, I have girlfriends who meet a guy on a Tuesday and on Wednesday will be sending me texts saying, “Karina, I’m in love”. Then there are the girlfriends who meet somebody on a Friday and on a Monday just casually let me know that they met someone nice and they are curious to see what may happen. As someone who belongs to the latter group I often ask myself: what distinguishes the “boy crazy” and the “girl crazy” individuals from the non? Well, maybe some of you will yawn or get annoyed by what I have calculated but it comes down to one main common denominator: current family relations; specifically those that are healthy versus those which are not. Almost every single “boy crazy” girl I know is either estranged from her parent(s) or has unresolved and looming resentment for her family. On the other hand, the girlfriends I have who don’t spend their nights and days getting to know boys, chasing boys and then subsequently crying over boys, have pretty strong family relationships. Is this all a weird fluke and coincidence? I doubt it. See, what I am about to say is nothing revolutionary as it has been documented in countless psychology books but so many young people refuse to see that there are reasons why they continue to live a life and attract people who don't make them happy. If you didn't grow up feeling wanted and loved, that painful burden and lack of acceptance of oneself is carried over to adult relationships. You become so thirsty for affection and acceptance that you cling to anyone who shows you interest. The non-boy crazy girls on the other hand already have people who love and support them (their family) and thus they don’t get swayed by any Plain Jane or Joe Blow. They also know how real respect and love looks, smells and feels like and when they encounter the opposite in the form of a dysfunctional relationship, they run, not walk, away. From what I have noticed the men and women who continue to stay in relationships that do not fulfill them and/or base their season's goal as getting a partner, almost all have deep rooted issues with their families. Makes perfect sense if you think about it. Their first experiences with love were rooted in anger and pain by their family and so it is no wonder that as adults they stay in situations that a) are not healthy b) are not built on respect and love and c) justify the dysfunctional family relationships they had while growing up. In a way, its all they know and as time goes by the chain of dysfunctionality becomes a stronger one to break.

I personally grew up with a mother who loved and stuck by me through the thick and thickest. She played the role of amazing mother and father all in one and so when it came time for this bright eyed girl to date, rest assure, my expectations of how I wanted to be treated were unshakeable. My mom has taught me that real care and love is being patient with someone, at times putting their needs and wants ahead of yours and it is those mantras that I carried and continue to carry with me while I navigate through dating and relationships. I already have people who love me unconditionally and will be with me through everything so baby, you gotta bring just a little more for me to be interested. In other words, the unconditional love and strong bond I have experienced with my family is the reason I am not boy crazy and am not wrapped up in anyone who shows me the slightest show of interest or care. 

How is all this relevant, you ask? Well, for starters are you boy or girl crazy? If so, how are your family relationships? Solid as a brick and yet you still get easily attached with people you encounter? Okay, let me know my theory does not apply to everyone. However, if you are in the group that has had a very painful and hard time with relationships then I suggest first mending things with the first group of people who taught you how to both receive and give love or the lack thereof of the two. If everything is good at home then why would you ever spend your time chasing and/or staying with people who do not fulfill you? You wouldn't. Your family relationships are the foundation for all your future romantic relationships. Make them as strong as you can and the rest will come.