Two people will look at one picture and see two different images and the same can be said with this self-made meme. As all things in this blog, you are allowed, no, you are encouraged to read it and take from it what you want. Reconstruct my words, turn it all around, make them yours. Feel free to interpret this meme as you see fit but if you must know this image is my response to the plethora of very positive statuses and images that self proclaimed "new agers" or everyday folks post almost daily on social media. The question remains though: do these well-wishers live by an entirely different set of rules in their own “real” lives? Do they practice what they virtually preach? I need only to log into my Facebook and see a splash of encouraging statuses and shared images of the Dalai Lama to see that yes indeed people wish me, you and everyone around them love, peace and tranquility but how accurate and realistic is all this bombardment of positive thinking? Above all though, how much of what these so called neo-hippies preach is actually practiced? Even more interesting, what is the "blocking" activity of these do-gooders? You would think none, right? I personally have noticed that there is an increasing tendency to view any form of non-agreement as "negative" energy that needs to be dispelled and rid of immediately. Better yet, some are even labeled as "toxic" beings that need to be virtually erased. I wont disagree that some people are not meant to be friends but I will however argue that the term "toxic" is overused and at times can be seen as justification in the fight to silence those who do not agree with us.
 
Lets dissect the word blocking for a minute and look at it in its defined form. 

To block: 

1. The action or process of obstructing movement, progress, or activity, in particular.
2. Obstructing or impeding the actions of an opponent

If that does not yell out "I am passive aggressive" I am not sure what does. 

I for one do not have a single person on my block list in any of the social media accounts that I own. Is it because no one has ever said anything I have taken offense to? Is it because no one has ever upset me or made me angry? Not at all. Quite the opposite actually. So why have I never used that oh so tempting block button? Is it my above average patience? Is it the fact that I can deal with conflict and confrontation? Or is it because I have somewhat of an abnormal level of tolerance for people? Its a mixture of all three but at the core its because I believe that we all suffer from what I like to call "relapse in character" or maybe we are just having a really bad day, week, month. Or maybe we are just misunderstood. Blocking is saying, "I am taking away your right to ever contact me, Goodbye!" If they ever wanted to come back and apologize, should you not give them that right? Would you not want that right if the roles were reversed?  

At the end of the day this post is not intended to make a mockery of the actions of a certain group in society but rather is a call to action to think before you block. If you are truly about love and inclusion and above all, acceptance of others than there is so such thing as toxic people but rather only those who need that extra bit of time and understanding.

Good times on repeat, every Friday.
Hugs, air kisses, and debauchery is on the agenda.
Come Tuesday, no one can be found.  

Lines and bottles you will surely finish together but tears you will experience alone. 
Past trauma and delicate hearts are not of importance here.
This venue is too loud and flashy for a heart to heart, anyways.
Remember, smiles and body sparkles, only.

Reach out to one of them on a non-weekend and conversation will be flat. What commonalities exist anyways?

Who do I spend time with? 
Who are these people I am buying drinks for? 
How many of them will remember my birthday next year?

The Allure and Facade of the Party Friends.

 

Expectations and Other Beliefs They Tell Me I Should Lose.

For the last two years, advice from those who mean well has usually started off with, “You gotta let go of your expectations.” It is then followed by a short speech on how doing so will lead to a happier me in the long run. On the contrary, it is when I let go of expectations that complacency creeps in and I feel the void of no longer thirsting for something bigger, better and seemingly maybe even a bit unattainable. I want to start off by saying that somehow, somewhere those who have expectations from themselves, their lives and those around them have been pegged as demanding. Not to say that all who have expectations are not, but I on the other hand have always equated expectations with standards; also known as having an above minimum level of quality that one expects from situations. Now, doesn’t that sound healthy? To think that one is worthy and deserving of a certain level of quality. To think that one does in fact deserve to be treated and have a life that is filled with a certain (high) level of standard simply because they are.
Another reason used in the fight against expectations is the belief that those around you will feel discouraged by the belief that they are not up to par with the assumed expectations that are given to them. I entirely understand how that can be as it is never a good feeling to know that somehow you do not measure up to how others think you should or can be. That feeling of containment felt by what others expect of you can be unpleasant but in my life it has been the opposite. I have found expectations to actually be encouraging rather than discouraging. How do you figure, you ask? I can tell you that pursuing post-secondary education and doing well in it was not an option but an expectation my family had of me. While friends branded my family as “critical”, I did not see it that way. I saw the expectation of me going to university and doing well as a compliment. If my family thought I was not able of doing well, they would not expect that from me. It was me wanting to live up to those expectations that made me do well. It was the pressure of hearing, “I know you can do so well” that made me go that extra mile. It is the high expectation of me by my family that made me expect the same from myself and transcends to this day in other areas of my life. 

Another example of expectations as a driving force for assumed above average intellect and ability can be seen in the workplace. Look at where you work, are the “star employees” being expected nothing of? No, they are not. Rather they are expected to be on time, produce high quality assignments, lead group projects and all because there is a certain high level of productivity that has now been associated to them due to their past work. The most laziest and unproductive worker on the other hand can come in 30 minutes late and not much will be done. Why? A lower standard has been attached to their name and reputation. Why expect blood from a stone, as they say.

The last and most popular reason for letting go of expectations is the belief that lack of them will produce a much more freer and easier life and I will not pretend to disagree with that but is easier better? Is an easier life that houses no expectations and minimum standards more rich and fulfilling? If one never expects things from themselves then one can surely never be wrong because if you didn’t expect anything from yourself, whatever you get is seen as a bonus of sorts.

Aside from all this I also find that looking at expectations as either a purely positive or negative concept is problematic. The late Michael Foucault encouraged us to not look at things from a purely singular perspective and this is most abundant in the following excerpt in his take on power and control in society: 

“We must cease once and for all to describe the effects of power in negative terms: it excludes, it represses, it censors, it abstracts, it masks, it conceals. In fact, power produces; it produces reality; it produces domains of objects and rituals of truth...”

Yes, expectations create a mental built-in self checklist of sorts but they also set a certain level of self discipline and above all, creates an atmosphere of accountability. Expectations of oneself also produces a timeline of productivity results that has potential to take an average life to great heights. Switching gears for a moment, I am thinking of a popular underground Toronto band that has been planning to release their debut album for years. What do I think is the reason for their lack of musical tangibility? My thoughts are, an easygoing, no expectations filled attitude and an abundance of conversations that include phrases such as “Well get it done eventually”. I can only imagine where this motley crew of talented mid 20 year olds could be in 6 months, in a year, if they adapted a high level of expectations in regards to making this album a reality. Expectations (within reason of course) can work as a motivator and above all as the antithesis to complacency. Next time someone accuses you of having them, be happy that you do.

TWENTY-NINE

My first Saturn Return

Though I could have sworn the plane ticket said, “Welcome to Your Mind Fuck.”

Directions for flight takeoff read: “Ladies and gentlemen, please make sure you are strapped in, this is going to hurt.”
Stewardess passes out a survey, “Be sure to answer either ‘yes’ or ‘no.”

Questions are as follows:
Is your life up to par?
Are you up to par?
Have you done enough you are proud of?
Is your life a testament to all that you can do?
I jot down a quick “no” beside each. 

The in-flight movie is my life the last ten years.

Youthful idealism and the inconsistent pursuit of dreams is the theme of this romcom/drama/b-rated horror flick.

Turbulence.
“Is it always this shaky?” I ask.
“Just the beginning. Smooth sailing towards the end” I hear from someone in the back.
Something to look forward to.
My first Saturn Return

Social Media and the Loss of the Right Here and Now

Lets admit it, we are a pretty self-indulgent society and when we look at our priority list, feeling alive and the pursuit of happiness tops the list. As it should, right? The overwhelming need to feel alive is also complimented with one's consent to be a participant of an online show and tell because to feel alive is simply not enough. Spending as much as we have and doing as much as humanly possibly to prove to ourselves and everyone around us that you are in fact alive and having fun, however, is. I need only to scroll down my Facebook news feed to see a sea of shiny and seemingly happy faces on vacations, at concerts, restaurants and other neo-bourgeoisie dominated arenas to get the sense that one’s validation of a good time can only truly be justified if the physical evidence comes in the form of pictures plastered on the screen. Went to a party and had the best time of your life but don’t have pictures to share? Did it even happen? Went around the corner and had a mediocre time but tagged a picture of you and the neighborhood bassist doing shots? Welcome to the club, my friend! With that said, it is my belief that social media has contributed, contrary to popular belief, to the loss of the here and now, versus the development of it. Rather, it has made us all live in what I would like to call the “after moment of the now”. Our thirst is not for the here and now but the gratification that comes after the moment has passed and has been shared.  

It is the future Facebook “likes” and comments that make us capture moments on video and camera. It is the future validation of our peers that make us sit down before a meal and without even hesitating whip out our phones to document this glorious feast (picture first, sip of red wine after). It is the future slight mind trance of positive feedback and digital ego strokes that make us stand at a concert and look at the recording screen that has become the extension of our human hand versus the performing body that is in the here and now in front of us.

Make no mistake though, this post is not me saying I am outside of the above group because I am not. Like you, I too take a picture and anticipate (usually right after I hear “OK, on 3!”) if it will be FB profile worthy.  I am no better. I do however want to reclaim my moments of the hear and now. I want to go out with a group of friends and not take any pictures; mental photographs only. I want to go to Czechovski and not take “food porn” stills. I want to have an amazing day and not feel the need to have a matching post to go with. One day...