5 Myths Surrounding Suicide Most People Won’t Talk About

1. You were weak. 

Not to get too graphic but if you look at some of the ways that certain people have bowed out, the last thing you can call them is weak. To make a decision and to go full force with it is not weak by my standards. If anything, that is one determined S.O.B. However, if we are going to be assigning characteristics then the common two among those prone to suicide are hypersensitivity and people pleasing.

I’ve always said, if you are someone with an above average sensitivity level, you are both cursed and blessed. Blessed in that you love harder than most, laugh louder than the average and feel happiness on a level others very seldom can comprehend. The cursed part is that you also feel pain on a level others cannot comprehend and will spend energy, tears and time on situations that most wouldn’t give a second thought to.

And there lies the second characteristic of those who are suicide prone; most are people-pleasers. If you are somebody who always puts themselves first then things such as guilt, regret and empathy are not always emotions one feels easily because to you, it's all about you. People who are suicide prone are many times thinking about somebody else’s needs, someone else’s request, what another asked them to do (heaven forbid they say no to someone) and most times it gets to the point where they will neglect their own feelings and needs. They have been helping to finish somebody’s else’s full plate for so long that they neglected their own as it was growing bigger and bigger. The result: clean plate and a full belly for everybody else and full plate and an empty stomach for them. 

Anybody who takes their own life is not weak. There is only so much food one can eat off a plate in one sitting by themselves. Do not get to the point where you are so overwhelmed that you just want to throw the whole thing away. There are new plates (stronger and imported ones), there are better food choices and there is always time to finish a meal. Never forget that.

It is strength to allow yourself to feel all the pain that is inside you. It is strength to realize that you are at the end of your rope. It is strength to be 150% honest with yourself. However, it is the ultimate sign of strength to do something about it.

2. You suffered from depression or mental illness.

If you have ever spoken to a friend or a professional about thoughts of suicide then you know full well that it is usually met with two questions: have you tried this (insert name of generic happy pill)? Have you been to that clinic? Though I do believe that many people who are suicidal are clinically depressed and may have an actual chemical imbalance, it does not however do anybody justice when every single person who has had thoughts of suicide gets lumped into an umbrella category of “depressed” and having mental issues.

Yes, in some ways this diagnosis can help an individual get through their struggle but in many ways they can also harm them. Such labels stigmatize the individual, take away all personal identity and defines them as belonging to some society disapproved group that further puts them in a position of being less then. If you are having a bad day and you think that you may not be able to get through the next one, it does not necessarily mean that you are depressed or that some wire in your brain is off. It can simply mean that you have perhaps taken on more than you can chew and need to release all the anxiety, frustration and feelings of failure that you have accumulated. To be sad does not mean that you are depressed. It means that you are a human being who reacts to things. It would be weird if you didn’t. 

3. You only cared about yourself.

It is normal to first feel sadness and then complete anger for the person who purposely both ended their life and caused you pain as a result of it. “He/she didn’t care about anybody but his or her own self!” plays like a broken record when someone loses somebody to the choice of suicide (and make no mistake, it is a choice) but the truth is, anybody who has ever taken their own life did care about those around them. They cared a lot. So much so that their own perceived failure in the eyes of those they both loved and respected was unbearable. They did care about you and it was their assumed unworthiness in your own eyes that they couldn’t come to terms with. Little did they know though that them just staying alive (living and breathing) was all that we wanted from them. 

4. You were anti-social and an introvert.

I don’t think it needs to be said that those we never thought would, did. I always say, don’t worry so much about the person with the most melodramatic Facebook status, worry about the person who always seems happy. People who are prone to suicide lead very private yet social lives; always worried about burdening others with their own pain and thus keep most of it to themselves. They go out a lot, they date, they mingle. They play the part of social butterflies but little do you know that lone wolf tendencies are inherently them.

Not a single person is immune to pain so severe that they think it will never leave them. Sometimes the people we should be the most worried about are the ones we often are not.

5. You wanted to die.

The biggest misconception about somebody who takes their own life is that they wanted to die. I know what you are thinking, if they didn’t want to die they wouldn’t have killed themselves. Yes, from a logical point of view death is the ultimate relief where there is no rewind button but if you have ever talked to anybody who has survived their own suicide attempt, most will tell you that they never wanted to bow out completely. They just wanted to hit the pause button, start over and undo all their mistakes. Maybe have some relief from a devastating break-up, consecutive failure and on some level, a break from their own self.

We need to let go of the stereotypes that surround both who have attempted and survived it and those who were successful. Not everyone was suffering from depression and if you ask me, I believe that if given a second chance, most wouldn't go through with it. If given a second chance... 

What a pity that we don’t live in a world where you can take a month off from work (without getting penalized) to get your head together and get your emotional and mental self back on track. What a shame that we rarely have friendships so transparent that we can bear our hearts and darkest thoughts without the slightest fear of being judged or having it repeated elsewhere. How sad that most often than not, we have partners who do not take us exactly as we are; most partners want the cheerful and uplifted version of ourselves (hair and makeup better be on point too) and grow irritated when they are given the opposite. Maybe if we did most people wouldn’t feel so alone and see solvable problems (as most are) as not.