How I Survived a Milestone Birthday and Lived to Write About It

New agers call it a solar return, teenagers call it getting old and if you are somewhere between the ages of 24 to 28, chances are you can't even talk about it without breaking into a cold sweat. Yes, the milestone birthday. Whether you are turning 25, 30 or 50, this is a step by step thought process of how I survived mine and you can too.

My most prized possessions: my journals

I took the time and reflected.

Everyone has their own preference for reflection. For me walking has always been a great tool for decluttering my mind while journaling has worked as an extraction of the other noise, worry and concern that gets left behind.  Where am I now? Where am I going? What makes me happy? Where do I not want to be in 5 years? Spend some time and physically write out whatever comes to mind in relation to these questions. Not all of them you will have the answers to but knowing yourself inside out is not the end goal or what reflection is about. Formulating a somewhat level of consciousness, however, is. Documenting your thoughts, physically releasing ideas you don’t feel comfortable sharing with anyone else and formulating questions is a very useful tool to remembering not only how you felt but how far you have come. The best thing though- there's virtually no wrong way to do this. Lock yourself up in a space, get a piece of paper or open up Microsoft Office and write down whatever it is that is on your mind. You'll be glad you did. I always am.

I measured success by my own standards.

How I determine whether or not I am living life “to the fullest” is by asking myself, “Did I do more, see more, form more friendships than I did the previous year?” If the answer is a resounding yes then all is well. The trick is to keep going forward, doing more than you did before and to just keep moving. Even on your most darkest days, remember, left foot, right foot. Whatever you do, do not just stand in one place.

I reevaluated my friendships.

My rule for party friends is very simple: everyone and their grumpy cat is invited. My criteria for close friends is: if you don’t make me better (and by better I mean: adding wisdom, fun and that little something unexplainable you feel when you know you met special someone), then I’m not sure why we are hanging out and having dinner together? The way I see it, time is the most precious thing in the world. It’s our non-renewable resource and once it’s gone, its gone. Invest your time, energy and patience into those who truly make you happy. Everyone else, smile, be friendly, send a friend request but know that not everyone is meant to be in your inner circle.

I stopped creeping.

Social media has changed the way we communicate but it also changed the way we perceive ourselves in relation to others. With an influx of images and words in your news feed coming at you faster than you can say “Must be nice to go on vacation 4 times a year,” social media has widened the gap between the “I have this” and “you have this” category. However, before a milestone birthday (and anytime really) its important to remember that things are not always as they appear to be. There’s no point in taking a few shots and drowning yourself in Wiser’s after seeing that the goofy kid from your elementary class just launched his third business. There’s no use in feeling less than because certain people are in different (see: seemingly better) phases of their life than you are. Let others perceived success be your driving force, not the reason you say, “I’ll never get to that level, why even bother?” Enter this new decade with admiration for others but also with all the belief in your own self and your capabilities.

I got out of my comfort zone and took on new projects.

We are endlessly referring to this so called comfort zone but what exactly is this place that has gotten such a bad rep? Wikipedia defines the comfort zone as a, “behavioral state within which a person operates in an anxiety-neutral condition, using a limited set of behaviors to deliver a steady level of performance, usually without a sense of risk.” I however have a different definition for it. If you are feeling zero fear and anxiety (be in a job, a relationship, etc) then you sir/madam, are in the comfort zone. Your life should be filled with butterflies, end of story. I want to enter this new decade feeling both fear and excitement but having the latter trump the former.Who's with me?

There are also a few projects that I always wanted to do but didn’t. Why? Because they seemed too out there and that’s why now, this new decade, is the perfect time to see them through. Soft cushy corners, a bed you know so well and cabinets that house all your favorites be damned, life is too short to live in the proverbial comfort zone. Throw yourself into a new room, close the door and don’t come out till you are comfortable with new furniture and ultimately a stronger version of you.

I planned something exciting for my birthday.

If you are a really busy person then you appreciate whatever down time you have. If your day is filled with to-do lists and things that absolutely need to get done then your mind seldom wanders and that is exactly why I did not spend any considerable time leading up to my birthday feeling anything but excitement. I was too busy to be worried or to feel sorry for myself because I had to plan a birthday concert for me and my friends. Where will we rent the PA system for the bands? Will Ammo make a guest appearance? What do grown adults want to get in a loot bag? These are the questions that ran through my head leading up to the big day, not fear and anxiety.  

Birthday at the Izakaya House; June 2014

 

Birthday Invite

The way I see it, if you have something amazing to look forward to then your birthday does not mark you turning some kind of society disapproved number but rather involves celebrations, cake and your nearest and dearest. Trust me, planning a birthday concert, picnic and anything else which involves celebrations will keep your mind off any negative. It will also make you focus more on the exciting upcoming new phase in your life and most importantly all the festivities that will involve that big day. May you have a blast. I did.

I got rid of things I no longer needed or that which held no value in my present.

Remember that part about re-evaluating your friendships and letting go of those that no longer add to your life? Well, it also applies to tangible goods you are holding on to. You don’t want to take off into this new exciting decade with bags of junk from your past, do you? I didn’t. I wanted to start my new decade feeling light and not being weighed down with things that I probably don’t even need. Besides, everything you really need is within you; all that extra stuff is just stuff.

A former high school dropout gets her Honours B.A.;York University

I focused on what I already achieved.

When thinking about all we have not yet done we sometimes forget to give ourselves a big pat on the back for all that we already have done. Make no mistake kiddo, it was you who woke up early to go to your 8:30 am (insert name of class or tutorial you dreaded the most in college or university); it was you who calmed yourself down and took the responsible route when you wanted to clock out or to tell your boss to take a hike; it was you who flyered up Queen West for your first gig at the Bovine; it was you who has spent, energy and maybe even a few tears to get yourself to where you are now. So be proud of yourself and all that you have done already.

I became grateful for who and what I had. 

If you are reading this somewhere warm and on your personal computer or smartphone then chances are, you are a lot better off than other people in the world. The truth is, the sun is still shining and whatever you went through you survived. How do I know you survived? Well, you are still here; living, breathing and getting up in the morning. Be grateful that you are. I am.

I stopped being afraid of failure and realized that there really is no time like the present.

There’s a quote I heard once that really resonated with me: “hesitation will kill more dreams than failure ever will.” Have a big dream that you think is too out there? Go for it anyways! Afraid to approach your crush? Send them a Facebook message inviting them to go somewhere. Want to launch a new business but think you are not mentally or financially prepared? Guess what, you may never be! In other words if you are waiting to do something when you are 100% mentally, emotionally and financially ready to, then I hate to break it to you but that day may never come. If you regularly put things on the back burner, I have a feeling I will meet you five years from now and you will say the exact same thing, “I just need one more year.” Don’t be that person. Realize that there is no such thing as 100% ready for anything. This should be a comforting thought though, not a scary one because ultimately it means that even though you feel hesitant and not up to par, you should still go forward.

I allowed myself to feel all the worry, anxiety and fear I was feeling.

If you know me personally then you know that I’m a big advocate for allowing oneself to feel whatever it is you are feeling. Want to get angry, get angry. Want to be so excited that most people think you are on something? Jump off the walls, ol’ girl! Whatever you do, don’t keep it all inside. Allow yourself to feel everything you are feeling but remember that nothing gets accomplishment if you are continually in a space of frustration or even worse, regularly beating yourself up. If anything, doing that will leave you so proverbially tattered and bruised that you may not have any energy leftover to actually do anything to get rid of the feeling of inadequacy and self loathing. Remember, you are always allowed to feel whatever it is you are feeling but make sure there's a purpose to it.


I stopped being hard on myself and realized that I did the best I could.

I've always felt that having high expectations (mostly for myself) was my achilles' heel. Admirable in that mediocre results never cut it (moi, average?) but in many ways it is that same drive for amazing that has caused me disappointment. When I say I stopped being hard on myself I mean that I gave myself a break. Not to say that I gave myself a hall pass to stop being productive but rather I started thinking of how to go about getting the things I really want.  Dwelling does nothing but set your focus backwards.

The truth is, we’ve all been through difficult times that we may still be healing from. You are only human and chances are you did the best you could for that time with what you had.

All in all, it may not be easy welcoming a milestone birthday but the trick is to pick yourself up from the pool of, shoulda, coulda, woulda and enter this new decade on a foundation of: I should, I could and I will. Imagine your ideas, dreams and aspirations as a flower. As long as you are listening to them and seeing them blossom versus forgetting to water them altogether then you are doing alright.  This is a new ride for you, so take your “Ugh” and turn it into “Hell yeah! Lets do dis”  and you will.

Remember, the best is yet to come. Actually, scratch that, the best is right now. May we all have many more milestone bdays to celebrate!