A few weekends ago I had found myself flipping through Netflix options and was asking the eternal question that has plagued my generation, that being, "What do I watch?" I had noticed the just released comedy special by Dave Chappelle titled "Sticks and Stones" and since it had infiltrated my Facebook feed many claiming that it was everything from, "highly offensive", "boring", "not funny" to, "the best thing I have seen in years" I knew I needed to watch it. I'm from the school of thought that if its controversial it will spark conversation and conversation causes engagement and that is almost always a positive. In other words, if its offensive, I want to watch it. I didn't know that 30 minutes into the special I would be inspired to write this blog piece but as mentioned, that's how controversial things work- they make you think; they inspire you and as is the case here- one thought caught on to another thought and a whole discussion about something entirely unrelated was born. Funny how inspiration is similar to human connections- most are random and found where we least expect it.
As expected the comedy special was indeed funny, very funny to be accurate. I laughed out loud several times but it was also dramatically thought provoking. My Facebook friends were all right, yes it was offensive, yes it was political, yes it was at times crass but it was also thoroughly hilarious. One subject matter that really caught my attention was when Chappelle had mentioned the suicide of Anthony Bourdain. Chappelle was baffled that he would ever do such a thing and went on to say, "the man hung himself in a luxury suite France!" An unfunny moment for survivors of suicide and the families of those who lost those to it. Chappelle went on to compare Bourdain to an unsuccessful high school friend who had never even contemplated taking his own life though Chapelle had suggested that perhaps he should have judging by the state of his life. "This man was 45 and the manager of a Footlocker living in his mamas house." The audience erupted in laughter because everyone understood that Chappelle did not in fact want this man to take his own life but rather he was making the comparison how those who you would think would want to do such a thing, are the last ones to. And as was the case with Bourdain, specifically those we view as successful and living in abundance and would never think would to want to not go on. At that moment I thought to myself, what was the difference between those who live being content with lives they should not and those who suffer while living in seeming abundance? And then it hit me, it is the acceptance of the void. The acceptance of the void and full understanding that the human experience involves living with an undefined level of emptiness indefinitely. The difference between misery and contentment is how much you accept the void and understand that it is there indefinitely.
After this epiphany I turned to the person sitting next to me and started ranting. I usually sound like a crazy person to him but by the look on his face I realized tonight, it was more so. "I think the secret to surviving life is accepting the feeling of emptiness and understanding that you will have a void no matter what." He looked at me with a blank stare on his face but that did not matter because in my mind I had just discovered an invaluable lesson about life.
The moment you realize that there is not anything wrong with you because you feel a sense of emptiness is when you obtain the ability to conquer and survive the human experience they call life. The ability to sit in a room, by yourself, feel that void, give into it, taking it in fully and realizing that the emptiness and sadness that you feel is normal is the secret to surviving life. So many (myself included) feel a tremendous amount of guilt about ever having sad thoughts because as pop culture likes to remind us, "If you have a smart phone you are better off than most" and though I agree with that statement, it does not take away that we are still left to sit in a room, by yourselves, feel empty and wonder, "Whats wrong with me?" The truth is, nothing is wrong with you. I need you to read this again, nothing is wrong with you. And now for the people in the back, nothing is wrong with you.
To feel the void ans emptiness is merely to be human. To understand that this is something we all feel no matter who you are or will become is the secret to survival. I don't know the highschool friend Chappelle was referring to in his skit by I imagine he had better coping mechanism for this void than Boudain as he is still walking, talking and living.
For maybe the most simple people understand that no matter how many commas or zeros exist in your bank account, no matter how many "fuckboys" you can turn into "relationship guys" and no matter how much you gain which you think will complete you, if you understand that none of this will ever fill you emotionally, mentally, physically or spiritually, then you can survive this life.
Chase all that with the belief that it will make you happier and you too might one day find yourself in a fancy French suite by yourself and the feeling of emptiness will be so vast that you wont be able to escape it. You cant escape it. Nobody can. All you can do is give into that feeling and know that every single living and breathing human being suffers from the same.
It is the human experience to search and still be empty.
It is the human experience to feel alone in a crowded room.
It is the human experience to feel that something is wrong with you because you feel empty at a time when you should feel full.
And lastly, it is the human experience to feel all this. Give into it and enjoy the shockingly amazing and the overwhelmingly empty experience it is to be human.
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