How to Cut Off Toxic People/ Toxic Habits From Your Life

When I was growing up, I hated the word, “toxic”, so much so that I started to believe that “toxic” was a buzzword invented by mainstream society that helped categorize anyone or anything that did not jive with you. If anything I felt the need to not label anything toxic, no matter how much it was causing me harm. “It’s all in my head,” I would tell myself whenever I was in a situation involving someone who made me wonder if in fact they were harmful to me (chances are usually, if you are questioning whether someone is harmful, they are). For some reason or another I denounced the word "toxic" and promised to only use it seldom. Years later I look back at how much toxicity I allowed myself to endure and refused to label as such.

With that said, let us break down the term “toxic” by its literal definition, that being, “something that is poisonous, or something harmful or bad.” So in simpler terms, “toxic” can be anything or anyone that causes you harm. Bottom line, if it disrupts your peace, it’s toxic. And with so many things having the ability to cause us harm maybe I was wrong about that word and it is in fact underused, rather than overused. Maybe, my failure in life was that I never labelled enough things as toxic. As that infamous meme said, sometimes I think, "I wish I told more people to f#$ck off."

Why Do We Allow Toxicity In Our Lives 
It seems like a no-brainier, if something hurts you, you would think that you would not have it in your life. I often think of my favorite quote from George Orwell’s 1984 where he states, “To hang on from day to day and from week to week, spinning out a present that had no future, seemed an unconquerable instinct, just as one’s lungs will always draw the next breath so long as there is air available.” In other words, we as a human race are all programmed to survive, no matter the obstacles ahead. I would like to take it even further and state that, we as people are programmed to be instinctively happy or search for happiness. And so begs the question, why would we ever be around anything or anyone that would cause us loss of that happiness? Why do we stay in toxic situations and repeatedly engage with toxic people? Answer to that is below.

We Don’t Feel It Is Toxic 
Up until a few short years ago, I never used the word “toxic” because I believed it was a buzz word created to unjustly label anything one may not like. I detested when Id hear person X say that person Y was “toxic”. It is only when I lost touch with some people and felt better about it that I realized that there was such a thing as toxic people and toxic relationships. To put it in symbolic terms, imagine if one ate a very high carb, high fat breakfast every morning and went about their day as they always do. Now, introduce a diet that is filled with nutrients and vitamins and you would certainly feel different throughout the day but one would have to give up the former to know that the latter was better for them. With not giving up the unhealthy breakfast, one thinks they can snack on bacon everyday and still fit in their favorite jeans. Right? I view toxic relationships and toxic situations very similarly. Many times we don’t know that we are in bad situations or that we are being mistreated and consequently we mistreat ourselves. When you come home after a date with a certain someone, ask yourself, how do I feel post-date or romantic weekend? Do you feel energized and fulfilled or do you feel emotionally drained and lacking? After you see a group of friends, do you come home feeling good about yourself and that you belong to a group or community that truly cares and loves you or do you come home feeling like you should not have said this or that? Do you question who you are and if you are likable when hanging out with friend X?  Categorizing people in our lives as either toxic or not is a very difficult thing because there are so many components to be considered. What I advise anyone to really look at when deciding who is toxic or not is pure feeling while with that person. If you are nervous and on guard with a close friend then maybe there is lingering resentment that has now evolved into a toxic relationship. If you get ready for date night and are routinely doing a mental checklist of what not to say so there is no argument, then perhaps there are toxic elements of that relationship that need to be addressed. 

The same can be applied for habits. There are many people that have toxic eating habits and everyday make the choice to put toxins in their body. Being overweight, not having the same energy level as you used to and overall not looking as you would like are the side effects of having a toxic eating pattern. Rarely do people with those habits ever look in the mirror and say, "Everyday I choose to not love myself enough to give myself proper nutrients." No, nobody says that. Most people say, "I love food" or "It's cheat day everyday for me." All toxic habits, be it in food eating patterns or who you interact with are all excused by the simple fact that the person does not feel that they are allowing for toxicity to enter their life. In other words, we rarely know when our habits or people are being toxic. 

We Don’t think We Deserve Better 
There are many relationships, both romantic and platonic that we know are not right but we continue to stay and have no plan of ever leaving. Sounds crazy, right? Yes, there are people getting ready to meet up with partners that put them down. You go out with friends that routinely and most times unknowingly go out of their way to  make you feel bad about who you are. You would think we would recognize how we feel and start planning an escape/goodbye plan? But no that is not usually the case. The reality is that toxicity runs rampant in our lives. Some people do it knowingly. Such is the case with smoker's who have an endless supply of medical research to prove that every time they light up, they are causing harm to their body. Other toxicity is harder to spot. It comes in the form of people who claim they care and they mean well but are not good for your spiritual and mental growth. I'm not a psychiatrist but I believe most people have self-loathing tendencies that convince them they don't deserve better. That partner that puts them down, they read this behaviour as "They are teaching me to be better." Why is current you not good enough just as is? Why does anyone need to teach you anything about how to act, especially if it leaves you feeling less? That's how toxic relationship work. They are sometimes so subtle that we don't notice the harm it brings. I wonder how we would all live our lives if we woke up  and thought, "I deserve better" and actually believed it. 

How to Say Goodbye/End Toxicity

If you know me in real life you know that I'm a paragraph text kind of girl. Meaning, if I don't like something I will express it thoroughly but what I've come to realize is that sometimes it's best to just walk away with no explanation. No paragraph text, just a dismissive thumbs up. That may seem cold and impersonal but I find that leaving toxic relationships cold turkey is the only way to do it. Most toxic relationships are very complex and they are usually with people we have a long history with and I find that expressing all the ways they have ever made you feel bad actually adds gasoline to the fire. See, most toxic relationships can't be fixed because if they could have been, they would have been already fixed. Let me repeat this for those that need to hear this again, if you were around people and things that uplifted you, they would be uplifting you but they are not so go elsewhere. I mean, you can take away as much sauce as you'd like and even add medium fries instead of large, but that's still a McDonald's quarter pound meal that you are ingesting. What I am trying to say is, don't ingest McDonalds and say you are all about the fit life. Same goes for toxic people. Some days you might have a good night with them but they are still toxic.

If this was not toxic for you, it would have invoked other feelings in you. You would not be reading this and thinking of a particular person and wondering if they are toxic. Chances are they are toxic if you are considering they are.
You Cant Turn Toxic Into Joy
It is very rare to turn a toxic relationship nontoxic. I mean, the goal is to be around those that uplift you and add to your spiritual growth, not be around those that didn't hurt you today so I guess you guys are good now. It's not just toxic relationships that we must rid ourselves of but also habits that hurt our bodies and drain our spirit in the long term. Drug use and alcoholism are two activities that are often masked under the veil of, "I'm just having a good time" but the truth of the matter is that both vices cause harm to one self. I urge everyone reading this to love themselves enough and take away the toxicity in their lives. If you love yourself and I mean TRULY love yourself, then you would want to live a life that is filled with healthy habits and people that bring you positive feelings. That is the ultimate depiction of self-love and self-care.
So many people convince themselves that certain people are not toxic because they do have positive traits overall and that's a valid point but I for one want to be around people that make me happy almost always. I'm told that is unrealistic and idealistic. But I say, it is that way of thinking that has excused toxic behaviour. Life is short, we have heard that our whole lives and you know what, that cliche saying is true, it truly is. We must rid our lives of toxins and anything that keeps us up late at night. We must love ourselves so much that we only tolerate people and things that truly make us happy and give us an abundance of peace. Should that not be the goal for us all?