I’m not sure what to make of people who are overly confident and dismiss any negative comments about themselves or something they have created. At one hand I gravitate towards them because I love the magnetic vibrance (the not so subtle aroma of “I’m the shit” can be intoxicating) that surrounds them. On another hand I often wonder, how can growth and progression occur if somebody is not open to hear unfavorable feedback?
I pose this question because I’m not sure which of the two I should be when I get negative feedback from a piece I had written. Why do people assume that others actually want to hear negative feedback from something they spent a whole Sunday writing? Where does it say that all opinions are welcome and should not only be heard but defended? I remember somebody once telling me how if one had written a piece they truly stood behind then defending it should come easily and with enthusiasm. Upon hearing that I remembered some business advice I heard once on television from Sara Blakely (CEO and founder of the multi-million dollar women’s undergarment company, Spanx). She discussed how she did not let a single person in her life know about her business venture until it was literally on the shelves ready to be bought. An odd decision, wouldn’t you say? I would assume the woman would ask every man and woman she knew for their opinion on the look of the garment, the sizing, and colors but she didn’t. When asked why she had done that she talked about the direct correlation between opinions (which will most likely be negative and filled with changes you ought to do versus praise) and your own insecurity and belief in the product. When you think about this approach, it all makes sense. How many times have you suggested a somewhat unusual or far out there idea to a friend or family member and been given the eye roll? How many times after that have you thought to yourself, “Yeah it was a stupid idea anyways”, and thrown that whole action of going forth with it aside? What I am trying to say here is that we many times allow the chirping of negative feedback (no doubt meant to be helpful) derail us from making our own dreams come true. Give yourself permission to think that you are brilliant and allow very few selected people to give you feedback. Above all though, stop looking for validation in the form of feedback outside of yourself. I find that the comments we allow to enter our creative zone help in laying out the foundational groundwork for which your product (whatever it is) is produced. If the product is built on your (and only your) belief that “Yes, it is great. Yes, I know people will want to listen, read or buy this”, then how can it possibly fail? If it is built on doubt and hesitation (a result of endless feedback) then yes chances are it will fail.
So where is all this coming from? See, I live with the pessimistic belief that people will want to break you down before they will want to build you up (I've seen it too many times in my life to think otherwise). So before you offer anything that is not a positive, ask yourself- where is it coming from? I for one always catch myself when I want to say anything ill of a local musician. Why you ask? Well, quite frankly, I am not in a band, I don’t play an instrument and so why would I add my two cents on something I myself cannot do? Every naysayer and unintentional ego crusher should only comment on things they themselves can do better. Don’t like a song a band just wrote? Write a better one. Don’t agree and think a blog post is rubbish? Start your own and put me to shame. Don’t like a piece of clothing someone made themselves? You better start sewing before you open your mouth critiquing how poorly of a job she did.
Me writing this is not me sticking my middle finger to constructive criticism but rather its me saying that we live in a world where we are encouraged to get opinions and ask how others feel about something you produced and created. Just think about all the energy and time, the precious, precious energy and time that one wastes, excuse me, spends, getting feedback and then defending their work. Think about all the time you spend defending a piece of work that actually could have been spent making a new piece of music, writing, clothing, etc. The point is, once you invest that hour and your energy defending whatever it is you do, it is then that that hour and energy can never be reclaimed back and for what? To oppose somebody who probably rolls their eyes more than they can actually do with their hands and brain? I wonder if Van Gogh or Michael Foucault ever wanted feedback on their work? Why isn’t it enough for the person writing, creating or producing it to like it? It is in my book.
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