Being the wannabe sociologist that I am, I sometimes look at contrasting groups of people in my life and think to myself, “Why does group X not behave or react to things the way group Y does?” For instance, I have girlfriends who meet a guy on a Tuesday and on Wednesday will be sending me texts saying, “Karina, I’m in love”. Then there are the girlfriends who meet somebody on a Friday and on a Monday just casually let me know that they met someone nice and they are curious to see what may happen. As someone who belongs to the latter group I often ask myself: what distinguishes the “boy crazy” and the “girl crazy” individuals from the non? Well, maybe some of you will yawn or get annoyed by what I have calculated but it comes down to one main common denominator: current family relations; specifically those that are healthy versus those which are not. Almost every single “boy crazy” girl I know is either estranged from her parent(s) or has unresolved and looming resentment for her family. On the other hand, the girlfriends I have who don’t spend their nights and days getting to know boys, chasing boys and then subsequently crying over boys, have pretty strong family relationships. Is this all a weird fluke and coincidence? I doubt it. See, what I am about to say is nothing revolutionary as it has been documented in countless psychology books but so many young people refuse to see that there are reasons why they continue to live a life and attract people who don't make them happy. If you didn't grow up feeling wanted and loved, that painful burden and lack of acceptance of oneself is carried over to adult relationships. You become so thirsty for affection and acceptance that you cling to anyone who shows you interest. The non-boy crazy girls on the other hand already have people who love and support them (their family) and thus they don’t get swayed by any Plain Jane or Joe Blow. They also know how real respect and love looks, smells and feels like and when they encounter the opposite in the form of a dysfunctional relationship, they run, not walk, away. From what I have noticed the men and women who continue to stay in relationships that do not fulfill them and/or base their season's goal as getting a partner, almost all have deep rooted issues with their families. Makes perfect sense if you think about it. Their first experiences with love were rooted in anger and pain by their family and so it is no wonder that as adults they stay in situations that a) are not healthy b) are not built on respect and love and c) justify the dysfunctional family relationships they had while growing up. In a way, its all they know and as time goes by the chain of dysfunctionality becomes a stronger one to break.
I personally grew up with a mother who loved and stuck by me through the thick and thickest. She played the role of amazing mother and father all in one and so when it came time for this bright eyed girl to date, rest assure, my expectations of how I wanted to be treated were unshakeable. My mom has taught me that real care and love is being patient with someone, at times putting their needs and wants ahead of yours and it is those mantras that I carried and continue to carry with me while I navigate through dating and relationships. I already have people who love me unconditionally and will be with me through everything so baby, you gotta bring just a little more for me to be interested. In other words, the unconditional love and strong bond I have experienced with my family is the reason I am not boy crazy and am not wrapped up in anyone who shows me the slightest show of interest or care.
How is all this relevant, you ask? Well, for starters are you boy or girl crazy? If so, how are your family relationships? Solid as a brick and yet you still get easily attached with people you encounter? Okay, let me know my theory does not apply to everyone. However, if you are in the group that has had a very painful and hard time with relationships then I suggest first mending things with the first group of people who taught you how to both receive and give love or the lack thereof of the two. If everything is good at home then why would you ever spend your time chasing and/or staying with people who do not fulfill you? You wouldn't. Your family relationships are the foundation for all your future romantic relationships. Make them as strong as you can and the rest will come.
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