Staying In Is Overrated: Revelations From A Former Loner; Part 1.

When I was growing up I considered myself having two people who made me stay in on an occasional Friday (and when I say occasional I mean more than I would like to admit). My mom, when I got a bad grade on a paper or came home past my curfew and my own self who lived with the belief that if I am not 100% (body, mind, and spirit) than I must go into self-imposed exile and deal with my issues and only see the sun when I have done so. Well, to be honest, it wasn’t as dramatic as I am making it sound but if I was going through something there was no way I was going to throw on some lip gloss, paint on a smile and face the world. Rather, I stayed in. A lot. Analyzing, pondering, journaling; name a popular goth kid past time and chances are I was doing it. The irony though is that the more I stayed in the less healing usually happened. With hindsight I realize now that I needed to heal while in the world, not outside of it, locked in my room looking and dreaming about it from afar. 

With this present (progressive) mind frame you would think that nowadays if I would have a bad day I would make it a point to go out but still once in a while former me creeps in and I start to withdraw and wrap myself up in the warm of seclusion. For instance, a couple weeks ago a friend of mine was coming to visit me and though I was excited to see him, I didn’t feel like I deserved to have a night out on the town. And just when I wanted to message him and say, “I’m so sorry, I just don’t wanna pretend I’m okay when I’m not”, I made myself do the opposite. I told myself that present day me knows how important it is to show up and so I did.

I have realized (though I know I will still slip up and from time to time enter what I have referred to as self imposed exile) that growth and progression are key to my well being. In order to continue to grow and live outside of complacency many times it means I have to do the opposite of what my former self would have. Doing the opposite of my former self means not standing still but going forward, going out, and above all, still living my life. That is the key to growth and getting over things. Yes, we are allowed to stay in occasionally and heal in private but sometimes we do that much longer than we should or need to. The biggest drawback is that we get too comfortable in that unhappy state and we continue to stay and grow unhappier and less strong. Besides, being “100% okay” (my own personal qualification for being social) is an overrated state and how many of us ever truly get to it? 

Realize that it is important to show up, just simply show up. Consider that maybe staying in will actually add to your misery and loneliness versus relieve you of it. Keep in mind that indeed it is important to take time for yourself and reflect but remember that there are birthdays, concerts and other social events that will make you come home and say to yourself, “So glad I came out.” Lastly, do not rob yourself of joy and potential connections because you are not 100%. Rather, know that none of us are.