The Glorification of Starting Anew, the Hype of Letting Go and the Myth of the Bigger and Better Life.

Frank Sinatra sang that “the best is yet to come” and it is this motto that I looked to when things in my present life were not going as planned. “Things will get better and down the road everything will resolve itself”, I told myself (not sure if you have noticed but pep talks come as second nature to me). The irony of course is that I would look back on those not-so-great times and later realize that the situations and people that I allowed to get to me down did not then and do not now make or break my life. Why did I long for discovering a future treasure of gold and riches when I already possessed some invaluable diamonds and pearls under my very own bed? All I had to do was look under and see them; gleaming brightly at me. No need to wish for a bigger and better life and a fresh start altogether because the life I was living was already pretty damn great.  Too bad I did not see that then.

With that said, it has become a bit of a trend for people (usually in their mid-late 20s and early 30s) to take great, big leaps and make drastic changes with their lives. In some social circles it is encouraged even. Come New Years you are to make monumental changes and those who stay in the same place are chastened. Been with the same company for 5 years (never mind that you are literally a few promotions away from that big title)? Wow, you need to change that. Been with the same person for 4 years and the spark is not what it was? Listen, you need to move on and get yourself on a dating website. I’m here to tell you that sometimes it is best to stay exactly where you are. Don’t misunderstand, I’m not advocating for complacency and non-growth but sometimes, it really is as good as it gets. Too often we don’t see that which we long to chase is less than what we already have; that which we already possess (no chase necessary). 

I can look back on my own life and remember when I was 15 and wanted a new social circle. I said goodbye to all my old childhoods friends and knew (just knew) that there were cooler, more interesting and fun friends out there for me to meet. I look back now and with hindsight I see that the friends I thought were not as cool, were some of the most intelligent, fun and above all, accepting of me, individuals I would meet in the next 5 years of my life. I rid myself of them thinking they were stunning my growth and popularity (teenagers are superficial like that) but little did I know that them in my life only added to my sanity and maturity and lack thereof did the opposite 

Still not convinced that sometimes starting anew may cause more harm than good? Think of the role of antibiotics, they kill everything- the good and not so good stuff. When starting your life from scratch and letting go of all that is tied to “the past” it is important to not sever relations that actually added to your growth and added to your life. In other words, when ridding your life of good people and less than perfect relationships for the dream of something better, ask yourself: is it worth to forgo all that for something that may never come.

Reinventing yourself and starting a new life is good in theory but sometimes the new road does not necessarily lead to bigger and better things. Sometimes there is no better job and the one that pays more may leave you less fulfilled. Sometimes, the partner you dumped (presumably because you thought there were more fish in the sea) was really a tropical mermaid which you were lucky enough to find once. Second time around you may not be so lucky.

Think of people playing a game of poker and thinking that their better hand is always coming up. Some eventually do get a better hand and eventually really cash in but others continue to play when they should have stopped a while ago; when they got a hand as good as they will ever get a few rounds ago. The best never came and they were probably as rich as they were ever going to be when they entered that game.  

Why do I have a still image of Elizabeth Taylor as Cleopatra as the picture for this post? Besides that this film was playing in the background of my blog launch in August and is one of my favorites, I think there are many important lessons found within that movie. I cant help but feel that much like other great historical figures, Cleopatra and Mark Anthony contributed to their own demise. It was the insatiable need for the bigger and better deal, for more riches and excess that lead them to their death. Had their egos been checked and they came to the realization that what they already possessed was enough (no need for more land and titles) than maybe fate would have been kinder to them both.

We need to realize that sometimes, it really is as good as it gets. Sometimes the partners we have are as good as they come. Still feel a sense of entitlement to have or better yet, long for that bigger and better deal? Well, it may never come and the worse part, it may one day and you will open it up and ask yourself, “This is it?!” Sometimes, the grass is not greener on the other side. The irony though is that we must step on it to realize that our grass, the one we got tired of stepping on and caring for, was much more luscious. This one only looked greener from far away. Now while on it, we long for that which we had and see without a shadow of a doubt that our grass was the greener one of the two.

This piece is not to invoke in you feelings of regret or self-loathing, but rather it is my open call, an urge even, for you to appreciate what and who you have now. Go chase your dreams, do take risks but also take some time and see if maybe (just maybe) all you need you already have. Maybe your present self is as beautiful, talented and clever as you will ever be. Maybe the best is not yet to come but is now. Right now, in the present life you are living. No need to start anew.