Missed Connections and Other Bittersweet Actions I Will Never Understand

 
Whenever I looked for sold out concert tickets on Craigslist I almost always took some time and checked out their “Missed Connections” section. If you are unfamiliar with the feature, Wikipedia defines it as a “type of personal advertisement which arises after two people meet but are too shy or otherwise unable to exchange contact details.” I browsed through it from time to time and not because I was somewhere and somebody caught my eye and I wanted to know if I caught theirs too but rather I wanted to see for myself how many adults in my city lacked initiative or the more vulgar description, “the balls” to go talk to a stranger. If you know me in my personal life you know that I don’t get shy easily and not because I don’t have insecurities or never feel intimidated by certain men and women, but rather I know that the stranger (no matter how attractive) I want to talk to across the bar is just another human being and chances are would probably want to talk to me too. Why would he/she want to talk to me? Why wouldn’t he/she want to talk to me? These are the questions I ask myself when the overwhelming anxiety of talking to a stranger starts taking over and a little voice starts saying things like, "Don't move, stay exactly where you are, in the space of familiarity and that oh so warm comfort zone." Often times I silence that voice and when I don't I almost always seem to regret it.

As romantic as many of Toronto's “Missed Connections” stories are, most are bittersweet because how is “the girl in the vintage red skirt with the amazing green eyes and beautiful smile” ever supposed to find her shy admirer? More so when he describes himself as the “tall guy in the grey sweatshirt who was sitting a few seats away from you.”

I also can’t help but think that a lot of the men and women who write these ads are individuals who are so thirsty for that special person that they look for connections and sparks in strangers they see on trains and buses (Why is it usually on buses by the way? Is it because were often times going places we do not care to go to and need a distraction on route?), grocery stores and other places frequented by thousands of people per day. Is the need to find “that person” that big of a priority and a lack thereof such a painful void that we delude ourselves into thinking it was indeed “the girl in the vintage red skirt with the amazing green eyes and beautiful smile” who could have changed everything? If only you actually spoke to her. Are people so disconnected and disillusioned with their real life relationships that they see attractive strangers and fantasize about all the perfect things we would say to them and they to us if only both people actually talked to one another?

See, I do believe that there is such a thing as destiny but it’s only fulfilled when coupled with your actions. It cannot be realized just by itself. It sets the time, place, atmosphere and tone but it is you who must realize when those special moments happen and when people who can shape your future enter into buses, grocery stores and other random places.

Next time you are somewhere and your gut says, “Talk to them”, please, think of me and actually listen to it. What’s the worst that will happen? A five second feeling of rejection and a slight shock to your ego? That doesn’t sound so bad; nothing you won't be able to live through. You know what’s worse? That feeling of the unknown/what could have been, the constant wondering associated with the unfilled action, the self-loathing that can arise when you know you missed an opportunity and let somebody pass you by and the very real memory of a face and the lingering question of, “Why didn't I just talk to her?”