Ever had a day of reminiscing about your old junior high school days because of a “throwback thursday” picture you last saw floating around on ICQ in 1999? I have. Ever got told about a show you would have never known about had you not used Facebook? Been there, done that. Ever had your day completely turned around by a really gushy comment on how photogenic you looked in your new profile pic? Great feeling, ain’t it? With that said, I will be the first one to admit that Facebook has more benefits than disadvantages and (if used thoughtfully) will cause more smiles than frowns but if that is true why are an increasing amount of people deactivating their account and never looking back? Do these people belong to the anti-social group that does not get off on “likes”? Do they seriously not want their friends to know (with photographic proof of course) the amazing meal they just finished at Morton’s? What’s the deal because if Facebook is all that it's cracked up to be then why are people putting down The Book and burning their library card altogether? I cannot speak for everyone but the majority of people I have talked to have logged off because certain experiences have left such a bitter taste in their mouth that they left their meal midway, paid their bill, wrote a bad review on Yelp and never ever looked back. The conversations I had with people on why they left all share a common theme and that is a lack of thoughtfulness among Facebook users. I get it, you can’t actually see me when you insult me and so there is a certain level of chutzpah to you that goes out the window once you are face to face with me. With that said, I present to you my 10 ways that Facebook can be improved.
1. Respect other people’s privacy.
I’ve always found it quite amazing how concerned Facebook
users are about their own privacy but are completely oblivious (or just don’t
care) when it comes to other people’s. Spotting a girl with a really low cut
dress who has been blessed with ample assets and making a comment to one of your
friends about it is fine. I mean seriously, why do you think she wore it, so you boys can talk
about her among each other. Taking a picture of her with “greattits” as the
hashtag? Not so much. Respect the fact that some people may not want their face
or body plastered on the internet. If you get your panties in a bunch over the
thought of your party pictures appearing somewhere other than where you
intended to post them, well then shouldn’t you have that same passion and
respect for other people’s privacy?
2. Self- promote intelligently.
Do not feel bad about promoting your band, your new cookbook
or your growing vintage clothing store on Etsy but do it in a way where you
leave people wanting more. Think of a great first date. You are encouraged to
open up but shouldn’t you do it in a way where they are left wanting more? You
are allowed, repeat you are allowed to promote your band, your song and your
blog because shameless self promotion and advertisement is why we are all here
but make sure it is done without the bombardment of constant messages and
requests for “likes”.
3. Treat commenting on statuses, pictures and event invites
as if you are visiting someone’s home.
Facebook never did have a word limit for commenting on
statuses and the result is a desire to write long comments that may or may not
come off as lectures. I know the action itself is tempting but like someone
once told me, commenting on something is much like visiting somebody’s home. Be
respectful, courteous and above all, do not overstay your welcome. Also, be
mindful of whose home you are visiting. Not taking your shoes off and walking
around with a beer in your hand is cool at your buddy’s house but would you do
that when visiting your parents?
4. Don’t be a "Wall Nagger".
There are people who for some reason or other do not use
private messages and will post every video and comment directly on your Wall.
Please don’t do that. Also, just because you see when mutual friends post on
each other people's wall, that doesn’t mean that is your invitation to chime in. Be
mindful when two people are having a conversation on a Wall. Just because you
see it doesn’t mean your 2 cents are needed. Also, don’t assume you know
the nature of the relationship of two people. If you see someone commenting on
someone’s wall with something you find as derogatory, perhaps it's done intentionally because there is a hilarious back story. Some people have a
sarcastic banter that defines their friendship, respect that. If it’s not
addressed to you personally it’s not for you.
5. Let exes be.
This is a hard one because God knows we’ve all been there.
It can get so tempting to creep your ex and/or their new boyfriend or
girlfriend but that can really suck you into an unpleasant abyss of jealousy,
bitterness and regret. You guys broke up for a reason. Remember, the more time
you spend creeping their profile, the less time you are devoting to your own
life. Let him or her go, seriously.
6. Don't be jealous of anyone on your friends list.
There is this myth that your pictures and statuses are
the real you and though they represent some aspects of you they are not the
definitive representation of a person or their lifestyle. Remember, profile
pictures (all cheerful and smiley) are not always an indication of how we truly
feel in our real lives. The most social Facebook user hasn’t left
her home in 2 weeks and the person with the 112 likes on their new FB profile pic doesn’t know half of the
people on their list. My favourite though is the person who has clicked
“attending” to 4 events over the weekend and when asked how they were
they reply with, “Nah, just stayed in.” True story, folks. Things are not as they
seem, never forget that.
7. Be provocative and opinionated but don’t start drama
where there isn’t any.
Trolling
is an interesting term because on some levels I
think it is used too loosely in reference to somebody who merely
expresses
themselves to the fullest. Isn’t commentary the very essence of
Facebook?
It is but there is a fine line between being somebody who expresses
themselves and somebody who comments
in a way that hints that the other person is a moron. Call me
over-analytical but before I post I ask myself two questions:
1. Will this be utterly offensive? and 2. How well do I know the person?
If its
somebody I see and party with regularly then its fine to throw in a
sarcastic
dig here and there because chances are we will see each Friday and laugh
about
it but be careful about how you comment on threads to people you do not
know
very well. Remember, (and I had to learn this one too) a status is not
always
an invitation for a debate. Sometimes it is merely an expression of how
they
feel and your (unintentional and well meaning) two cents are redundant.
And if you
are gonna debate then make sure it is done so in a way that the other
person
does not feel attacked. On that note, whatever happened to seeing a
status that
really rubs you the wrong way and messaging someone quietly and
privately? No
big fuss or public shaming, just politely letting them know why you (and
maybe
others) may have been offended by such a status.
8. Don’t openly insult people by name.
Openly and carelessly criticizing people by name or hinting
at a certain person makes you look like a passive aggressive teenager who just
got ICQ and needs to tell the whole world how much they have been hurt. It
wasn’t cool then and it’s certainly not cool now. Besides, ever heard of
defamation of character? Well, that shit’s real. Don’t believe me just Google
the words, Courtney Love, libel and Twitter and see what comes up.
9. Curb the graphic and disturbing images you think will
mean well.
Yes,
sharing graphic images of animals being slaughtered
with the intent of spreading awareness for PETA is honourable but you
need to
understand that people have varying degrees of sensitivity and
tolerance. Same goes with people who post pictures of blown up heads for
some kind
of PSA for “Stop the Violence”. As someone on your Facebook list, I
should have
a choice whether or not I want to be exposed to (real life) gore but
once you
publicly share that photo it slips faster into my Newsfeed than you can
say,
“unfollow”.
10. Be good to each other.
Such a simple yet complicated mantra, right? Being nice to
people you don’t see regularly but know what they ate the day before. To me
Facebook should be a place of enjoyment. Like one of those softly-cushioned
blown up playhouses where you run into things but it doesn’t hurt when you
actually collide with something; it’s just purely enjoyment. No comment should
ruin someone’s day. EVER. Let
Facebook be a place where people do not have anxiety about logging in but
rather continue to see it as a place of enjoyment and above all, inclusion
rather than exclusion. Let’s celebrate each other, not bash and annoy.
At
this moment you are probably saying, “I don’t get
this chick, her last post was called, The Shards of Being the Overly
Expressive
Girl, and now she is telling me to censor my commentary? Who are you,
girl?, and my response is this: yes, I am the overly expressive girl who
doesn’t
believe in “swept under the rug” kind of friendships but to deliberately
attack
another human being with words seen on a computer screen is hardly ever
justified. If somebody posts something you really find offensive,
respond to
them privately and discreetly. Don’t make a spectacle and get other
parties
involved. The truth is, a lot of people are deactivating their account
because
the experience of Facebook is no longer fun and is becoming saturated in
anxiety and negative comments. People are getting off the wild ride that
is Facebook,
don’t be the reason they are.
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